Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships
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Consumer Rating: 
By: John Gray
Format: Paperback
From: Thorsons
Pub. Date: October 2002
From: Thorsons
Pub. Date: October 2002
Product Details:
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2002-11-04
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 304
Ean: 9780007152599
Isbn: 0007152590
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2002-11-04
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 304
Ean: 9780007152599
Isbn: 0007152590
ABOUT THE BOOK
EDITORIAL REVIEW
A classic and unique self-help book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus tackles the perennial problems faced by couples everywhere. Gray tells an allegorical story of the Venusians and the Martians who move to Earth, having enjoyed wonderful and fulfilling relationships with one another for many years. However, as soon as they arrive on this planet, amnesia sets in! They can no longer remember that they are from different planets and all sorts of communication and emotional problems set in. Written in an unpretentious and jargon-free style, Gray's tactic of using "Venusian" and "Martian" to refer to the two genders (and he does comment that these roles are not necessarily based on sexual biology) avoids the dead-end path followed by so many people, of using sweeping statements such as: "men always..." or "women just don't understand...". Instead, he says: "Venusians are from a different planet, therefore..." or "Martians need...". This in itself is a worthwhile tactic, removing blame and shifting communication onto a new level where it is OK not to be on the same wavelength all the time and not to automatically understand all your partner's needs. His new naming strategy even manages to be amusing, in a way that many books in this area can fail to be, although the writing tends towards over-simplicity at times.
He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that people in relationships say to their partners, what is intended, what is actually heard. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.
The tone of the book is always helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the typical self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies. All in all, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine
He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that people in relationships say to their partners, what is intended, what is actually heard. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.
The tone of the book is always helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the typical self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies. All in all, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine
USER REVIEWS
"I agree with many of the previous reviews that the differences Gray has observed in men and women are contained in the first few chapters and the rest of the book goes on to illustrate these. I also agree that the book makes sweeping statements and assumptions about gender behaviour and ways men and women think. It also assumes that all men are broadly the same, and that likewise all women are also broadly the same, which is clearly not the case.
However, unlike virtually anything else written on the subject anywhere, the book is actually based upon genuine empirical research undertaken by Gray (despite his dubious PhD qualification) into the way real people behave, and so has a great deal of value. There are also many second-rate `copy-cat' publications out there which say the same kind of things, but I think this is the best book on the subject. I personally believe that both men and women display much of the behaviours described here and so we can all learn how to relate better with each other.
Although sound research on the subject is almost totally lacking, I personally believe that 90+% of the differences described are due to external factors and social conditioning, and are not genetic. The key thing here is to make use of the suggestions and solutions provided, and improve the way we behave to our nearest and dearest and reap the benefits!
"
~ Written on 2008-01-11
However, unlike virtually anything else written on the subject anywhere, the book is actually based upon genuine empirical research undertaken by Gray (despite his dubious PhD qualification) into the way real people behave, and so has a great deal of value. There are also many second-rate `copy-cat' publications out there which say the same kind of things, but I think this is the best book on the subject. I personally believe that both men and women display much of the behaviours described here and so we can all learn how to relate better with each other.
Although sound research on the subject is almost totally lacking, I personally believe that 90+% of the differences described are due to external factors and social conditioning, and are not genetic. The key thing here is to make use of the suggestions and solutions provided, and improve the way we behave to our nearest and dearest and reap the benefits!
"
~ Written on 2008-01-11
"I really enjoyed the first couple of chapters; they were well-written, informative and really quite interesting. Unfortunately, the rest of the book regurgitates the same information, making for a dull read. Still, I'd recommend this book (if you can get it for a good price) if only for the first couple of chapters. "
~ Written on 2007-09-27
~ Written on 2007-09-27
"I read this book when I was on holiday with relatives and bored, and found it useless. This book attempts to pigeonhole men and women by assigning them characteristics. Yes, I've known women who've ranted at someone about a problem and taken umbrage when a solution has been offered, but I've known men who've done the same. And I've known rude men who will demand "Make me an egg for breakfast!" and likewise rude women, to quote two examples from the book. This book attempts to attribute character flaws, such as rudeness, vagueness, disagreeableness, to gender and does not take into account any individuality of the concerned parties. Assuming the information in the book is correct and acting on the instructions offered could very likely damage a relationship. If people want to improve their communication with their partners, I suggest they talk to them and find out more about them, or at least use a scientifically accredited psychological theory with individual application such as the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator."
~ Written on 2007-08-26
~ Written on 2007-08-26
"Starts off with well observed examples, but soon get very repetitive with the same 'punch lines'. Could not finish it as I became quite bored."
~ Written on 2007-07-13
~ Written on 2007-07-13
"I read this book in a week, not reading more than 2 hours a day! It is just amazing how it got me totally involved!
After a hard period with my boyfriend, and after my mother reccommended it to me for months, I finally decided to give it a chance. What happened is that I understood some of "common sense" things, some of which my boyfriend was trying to explain for long time unsuccessfully, because what made the difference is a clear and simple way of saying them. In a "loving" way! The author holds a PhD in psychology, and has a lot of experience so he is able to communicate his messagge in a successfull way.
Personally, it saved my relationship from sinking forever. Now I understand that I was always loved, even my "rubber band" boyfriend had the need to "pull away" to fulfill his need for independence.
I strongly suggest it to everyone, it can change your life.
The fact that it is so repetitive is because it is supposed to teach, and not just to entratain, so for the message to get through it needs to be repeated. It worked with me. Now I can't wait for my boyfriend to read it as well.
I feel like an entire new life is in front of me, thank to this book!"
~ Written on 2007-06-06
After a hard period with my boyfriend, and after my mother reccommended it to me for months, I finally decided to give it a chance. What happened is that I understood some of "common sense" things, some of which my boyfriend was trying to explain for long time unsuccessfully, because what made the difference is a clear and simple way of saying them. In a "loving" way! The author holds a PhD in psychology, and has a lot of experience so he is able to communicate his messagge in a successfull way.
Personally, it saved my relationship from sinking forever. Now I understand that I was always loved, even my "rubber band" boyfriend had the need to "pull away" to fulfill his need for independence.
I strongly suggest it to everyone, it can change your life.
The fact that it is so repetitive is because it is supposed to teach, and not just to entratain, so for the message to get through it needs to be repeated. It worked with me. Now I can't wait for my boyfriend to read it as well.
I feel like an entire new life is in front of me, thank to this book!"
~ Written on 2007-06-06