The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated Chronically Inflexible Children

"My daughter has been chronically inflexible pretty much from the moment she was born. Parenting classes helped the problem somewhat. However a combination of learning difficulties at school and extra lessons to help her, started leading us down the path of constant major tantrums and fights again.

The most important message from the book for me was "they are not doing it on purpose"

Once I accepted this statement I was able to move forward and use the ideas in the book. On the whole life is a lot better. Of course we still have problems but it's as if she's picked up on our efforts and calms down very quickly now.

I have recommended this book to a friend who in turn has recommended it to her sister in law"
~ Written on 2008-01-24

"If you have a child who seems to know the right buttons to press to make you cross. A child who seems inflexible in their thinking, easily frustrated and prone to explosive incidents (tantrums). Read on!

I started reading The Explosive Child book about six weeks ago, during the school summer holiday. My youngest daughter is five, and was frequently testing the patience of everyone around her. Exploding over seemingly trivial incidents, often daily.

Ross Greene explains in the opening chapters that the child does not deliberately set out to cause angry scenes, they just cannot help being inflexible. Before I accepted this statement, I felt sure my daughter said things just to annoy me. It took me a day or two to accept this statement.

Then I was ready for the next stage, observing my child and watching out for the warning signs of a pending explosive situation. Now I had "let go" of the idea that she was winding me up on purpose, I was calm and able to identify the main triggers for an explosion. Also I discovered that I could calm her down and avoid a conflict from occuring. Fantastic! Whoopee!!!

I am only half way through the book, (chapters 8 to 14 still to read) having read and digested Ross Greene's views, advice and manangement techniques thus far. I am pleased to say this book has transformed her life, I really enjoy my time with her as she is so much calmer, without me getting angry in response to her inflexibility. So what if she stays in the bath playing 10 minutes longer that I would previously have liked? She goes to bed calm and happy (and I'm calm too!!!!)

I have shared my understanding and the techniques with the rest of the family, and her school. Now we all have a consistent approach towards her, can spot potential triggers and act accordingly. I was sceptical that his approach would work as it seems so radically different from other positive parenting methods.

"
~ Written on 2006-09-25

"This guide has really made a difference to our lives. I had read other books which described time outs and other ways of punishing kids. This guy has really understood what makes these kids tick, and his understanding has made me understand what we were doing wrong as parents.

I couldn't recommend this book enough and will be buying copies for other parents who have these same kind of inflexible, explosive kids. It's a lifesaver."
~ Written on 2002-05-25

"I probably would have given the first half of this book this book 5 stars for the authors vivid understanding and explaination of just why some children are so inflexibe and volatile. He described our own childs behaviour in explicit detail and I'm sure this information on its own is probably enough to get parents started in the right direction.
It is recommended that parents sharply reduce demands and expetations by enforcing only the ablolute minimum firm unyielding limits. (but no advice on how to actually do it)
The avoidance of meltdowns is given as a top priority because when children are incoherent, they are not receptive to learning. His theory is that if you strive to keep the child coherent as he/she approaches a meltdown by negotiating and problem solving, they will eventually learn to manage frustration. I think they will learn to manage their parents and avoid learning and growth. He insists that the few absolute demands will be enough to maintain the adults as authority figures and that everything else is not important enough to risk instigating a meltdown. I agree that it is useless to lecture or punish during or after a meltdown, but avoiding a meltdown should not even be a consideration when it comes to family rules and values. This approach teaches a child to fear their own emotions as they watch their parents jump through hoops in fear of angry outbursts.

I can say with certainty that this approach would have been catostrophic with our child as he rarely actually wanted what he was fussing about. He would endlessly bait and lure us into senseless arguaments trying to get us to explain or negotiate our rules with no purpose. We found the philosophy and methods in the book "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids" to be the key to teaching our child to deal with frustration and volatile emotions.
Medication, cajoling, and negotiating is no substitute for effective discipline. I realise that this book is an alternative method for only the most extreme cases where it may be the only option. Prematurly adopting these methods for a child that is merely difficult, may achieve the opposite of the intended effect and make things much worse.
I would also highly recommend reading "Setting Limits with the Strong Willed Child" by Robert J MacKenzie prior to reading "The Explosive Child"."
~ Written on 2001-10-07

"This book was pivotal in living through crisis with our child. Had it not been for the valuable insight on how chronically inflexible kids think, we could not have adjusted our own response to how we dealt with the frustration that was driving our child to rage. Since parents of these kids often are isolated and blamed for their child's behavior, it was terrific to be able to provide this book to schools and other people who had daily contact with our child."
~ Written on 1999-08-04