After the Affair: How to Build Trust and Love Again (Relate Relationships)

"Of all the challenges that can face a married couple, there are few things more difficult than rebuilding some semblance of trust after an act of infidelity has been committed (or, at least, after an act of infidelity has been discovered). While I feel no trace of pride over my affairs (how could I, after all? Most of them have been with absolute munters!) I must admit that there have been a good many since I married Doreen. It was not long into the new millenium that she first caught me out (not bad going on my part, if you consider that I'd actually been putting in my fair share of 'late shifts in the office' since the end of the eighties!). Although I nearly managed to talk my way out of things, unfortunately the intricate web of my deceit came untangled once and for all- when the pharmacist informed Doreen that it wasn't actually very likely that her infection had been picked up from a toilet seat.

After Doreen learned of my infidelity it was a testing time for the both of us (although fortunately the results revealed nothing more serious than an outbreak of 'the clap' and a touch of chlamydia). I'm not sure if our marriage could possibly have held together without the aid of the cogent advice that one finds here. Many lessons were learned on both sides about issues of trust and respect. Perhaps rather surprisingly, our relationship was actually beginning to look more firmly cemented than ever before- at least until the guide had to be retrieved from the shelf some three years later (following an ill-advised drinking contest in the local that pitted me up against the captain of the women's darts team!). Six months on and it was Doreen's turn to be caught with her bloomers down- although, just a few days later, I made darn sure that I was going to have an equal hand in our subsequent return to the book! Still, this is all stretching back a few years into the past. For quite some time now, neither Doreen nor I have had to endure a trip to the bookshelf in order to seek assistance from this guide. These days, we keep it permanently at the ready on the bedside table- for the sake of maximum convenience! "
~ Written on 2008-09-03

"This was the first book I bought and although I gained some perspective on what was happening to me and my relationship, it only addresses a few areas in any real depth. Having purchased a few, I can recommend Not Just Friends by Shirley P. Glass as that takes you and your partner through the complete journey of infidelity and beyond regardless of where the two of you end up long term."
~ Written on 2007-07-27

"The book should be titled. Read this to avoid an Affair!
For anybody whose experienced betrayl this is the wrong book to buy. The book is good and well written, but two-thirds of it concern "the different types of affair" and not the essential recovery tools people are looking for."
~ Written on 2004-08-31

"After my husband finally admitted a 23 month affair which nevertheless left my devestated I brought this and two other books. I found it invaluable in the 5 days and nights we just talked and talked and talked - more than we had in the previous 10 years of our 18 year marriage/20 year relationship. However now 9 weeks on my husband doesn't want to discuss it anymore as he has buried it but things and situations still come into my mind that I must question - there is nothing in the book to talk about time for the betrayed needing to think aloud"
~ Written on 2004-01-07

"Having been involved in an affair, we took this book as a guide on 'how we can sort this out' and re-establish our relationship and trust.

The book focusses largely on the different types of affairs, and this would be useful to one partner if they are suspusious. However for us there was little in this section that helped us, as none of the types/examples related to our situation.

There is little advise on how to recover a relationship, ie how to really dig down and resolve why it happened, and how you can prevent it from happening again. We put the book down, having read it together and said - what else can we find to help us?

So I thinks its a useful summary of 'why affairs happen', but do not offer much help in rebuilding relationships."
~ Written on 2001-01-23