I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

" I have both been in a relationship with somebody with BPD and I am training as a Psychotherapist so this book was useful to me, however it is quite clinically written with lots of references and as such a bit 'dry'. "
~ Written on 2007-11-28

"I'm diagnosed BPD & contrary to much of the opinion here i DID find this book , for the most part, helpful.

Yes, it is written as though aimed at family, friends, colleagues etc but that doesnt mean it isn't useful for Borderlines as well. In fact i can accept some of the harsher realities of my Personality better when read as though in the third person as it is equally as informative but much less condemning that having the author tell YOU how wonky YOU are.

The book contains many, many case studies & real life accounts of Borderlines which i always find interesting - especially when you read how these people have found ways to deal with their behaviours & thus improve their relationships.

Contrary to one opinion here i think the book does give hope for recovery - i'm not sure BPD can ever be called cured but i believe we can certainly learn the skills needed to recover & lead much more fulfilling lives. This book details the SET principle - though this is something to be used by those dealing with Borderlines, not really Borderlines themselves.

I agree the book is showing its age, it makes no mention of modern therapeutic practices such as DBT in the treatment of BPD and the pharmacotherapy section is pretty outdated now too.

However i would recommend this book solely on its section regarding coping and dealing with the Borderline, it explains why we behave how we do & how best to deal with us when we are being difficult. I imagine there is more thorough literiture on dealing with us out there but this is a good start.

To sum it up in a nutshell... outdated but still worth a read."
~ Written on 2007-08-11

"I bought this after reading one of the reviews here, as my ex-husband fulfils almost all of the criteria for diagnosis, and despite being divorced since 2001, still tries to control & create havoc in the lives of me & our children. This book is great up to a point, already identified, that it is based in the 1980's, and really feels like going back in time, and on a more practical note refers to the criteria set in DSM-III-R, which have obviously been updated quite significantly since. It still would serve as a good introduction to BPD, although "Stop Walking On Eggshells" feels more current and is a more fluent read."
~ Written on 2006-10-31

"This book is obviously not aimed at the people who actually suffer from BPD, rather their families/partners/friends. I say this because it is blunt,frank,lacking in tact. And it is for these reasons that i would recommend it highly to anyone who suffers with this condition as i myself have. The author doesn't cushion the blows or sugar coat it in the least, which is the only real way to be able to take any of this information in if you are suffering with the condition.

I would highly reccommend this to sufferers and their partners alike, as though in parts it may be a little outdated, it is certainly eye-opening."
~ Written on 2004-06-11

"Borderline personality disorder has levels of prevalence, social dysfunction, health care utilization, and chronicity that make its public health significance similar to that of other major psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression, yet it has not received comparable attention.

This was one of the first books offered to the broader public, and as such deserves its place in the BPD literature.

Borderline personality disorder often leaves those who become intimately involved feeling guilty, helpless, and like they have personally failed. For an excellent example of this sense captured in a book, read Walker's THE SIREN'S DANCE: MY MARRIAGE TO A BORDERLINE, which also has clinical appendices discussing DBT, etc.

Both of these books will give the reader a great understaning of this very complicated and hard to treat condition."
~ Written on 2003-10-28