Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-realization

"I can't recommend this book highly enough, both to the suffering neurotic and anyone who may live with one. The depth of understanding Horney had of the way in wich a false idealized image and the (inevitable) failure to realize it causes people to torture themselves (and often others)is incredible.
I have read perhaps a hundred books in attempt to untangle my own problems but I would rate the thoery offered in this one as the most useful although at times the most difficult to accept.

Having read it I felt almost insulted and certainly afraid as I realised what I would have to give up in order to be free and human, so much so that at first I regretted reading the book at all. All I can say now is that the insight gained has been very important to me and once again I would recommend it to anyone interested in mental suffering."
~ Written on 2005-11-27

"Karen Horney writes that emotional problems originate in the environment. Problems usually start during childhood when the child faces an hostile environment (e.g. abusive, careless, or overprotective parents). In order to deal with this hostile environment the child develops defense mechanisms: she moves toward people, she moves against people, or she moves away from people. The child may accept all kinds of abuses in exchange for some affection; the child may become agressive and rebellious against parents and authority in general; or the child may turn into a rock (aloof, reserved, quiet). Later in life these defense mechanisms evolve into three kinds of neuroses: one characterized by morbid dependency on others and compliance, another by extreme agressive behavior despising almost everybody, and another one by aloofness and carelessness. At the same time that the person develops any of these types of behavior she creates an idealized image of herself (with all kinds of attributes, talents and virtues -which are mainly imagined and which she tries to live up to.) The real self (the actual talents and limitations) recede into the unconscious or are "forgotten". The more the neurotic attempts to live up to her idealized self, the more difficulties and inner conflicts she faces, and the more she hates her real self. This creates all kinds of difficulties in the person's relationships (to herself and to others) and in all kinds of situations including the job place. Along with these difficulties the person experiences depression and anxiety, among other symptoms. Horney argues very persuasively her theory throughout the book, showing incredible intelligence, insight and knowlege (she must have really spent a lot of time analyzing patients and taking notes about every detail she discussed with them); her arguments are so well informed. I really enjoyed reading this book; it helped me know myself and understand others better. My only disappointment is her treatment of the "real self" in chapter six. Just when I was getting excited about her discussion of the "real self" she gradually changed the subject and ended concentrating again on the "idealized self" and how the neurotic relates to it. Had she lived longer I am sure that she would have written (perhaps a whole book!) on the real self (how it survives and even grows in spite of the obstacles imposed by the person's neurotic drives). But at least I know, after reading this very insightful book, that all of us have a "real" and an "idealized" self, and the balance of these determines the degree of our neurosis."
~ Written on 1999-03-10