Fascinating Womanhood

"It's odd to start a positive review with a negative comment. But I will anyway. This book may be difficult to swallow because it focusses heavily on religious dogma (which inevitably invites criticism and rejection from people who do not believe - and I am one of them, so I had to try to see beyond this) and some of the ideas and statements seem extreme at first glance.

But - and this is a BIG but - underneath the surface the principles in this book are not actually that controversial (well they are to us, because we do not live like this) - they are COMMON SENSE! Accepting people as they are (warts and all), showing appreciation (not just in words, but in actions), being less critical, focussing on the positive rather than negative, not being self-righteous, trying to be happy internally etc. surely must be good principles to live by for anyone (not just women)! And yet, I don't think many people actually apply them in their daily lives - I definitely didn't and was surprised by people's negative reactions to me!

And maybe, just maybe, we as women have got the wrong end of the stick in terms of our priorities - and believe me, I thought I would be the last person to say this, based on my background! This book has actually shaken my belief system to the core in a way I didn't think was possible!

So my suggestion is - read between the lines and I guarantee you - you will find things in it that will have a dramatic impact on your happiness, sense of fulfillment and relationships.

I did."
~ Written on 2008-05-16

"Ok, as another reviewer (A Customer) said, when women 'knew their place' there were no drive-by shootings, but there were a lot of unhappy, unfulfilled, and undervalued women - and a lot of violence carried out behind closed doors. The divorce stats have shot through the roof - but that's doesn't mean there are more bad relationships today than there used to be. The difference today is that people in bad relationship can move on.

This book is just one more reason why I loathe religion - and by the way, I know the bible very well, probably better than 'A Customer' who said women who don't like this book have never picked up a bible. The bible isn't the problem. It's the crazy way people use it to deceive themselves.

Fascinating womanhood trains women to bait their traps to secure and keep that great prize - a man, as they said in Fiddler on the roof, "even the worst husband, god forbid, is better than no husband, god forbid".

Personally, I would rather be free to be myself. Love means being yourself and nurturing each other as equals in the relationship. I have been happily married for 18 years, so far. And this is without playing any of the dangerous games cited in this book.

Do buy this book and read it. It will teach you nothing about relationships, but it will reveal why religion should have no place in a modern world."
~ Written on 2008-03-11

"I began reading this book with enthusiasm and joy that such a book had been written, as I had heard that this book was written in response to Betty Friedan's "The Femininine Mystique" which attacked childbearing and homemaking as a woman's natural role.

However, even though the author covers a wide range of issues concerning marriage and is traditional in her perception of men and women, something stinks about this book.
Firstly, is the notion that a wife should act a certain way [feminine, doting, submissive] in order to gain rewards from her Husband, namely gifts and presents. Doesn't this sound like an upgraded version of prostitution? Surely, wives should do these things out of love for their Husbands, not out of their own selfish desires to get as many "prizes" they can from their Husband!
Secondly, is that although I initially enjoyed the way Andelin gives direct instructions and each chapter is summarized at the end, written in clear bulletin points, a lot of the book is basically about deceiving your Husband and putting on a show. I do believe wives should try to please their Husbands, but it is unacceptable to attempt to manipulate and deceive them. Surely it is a contradiction to respect your man, yet try to con him out of his perception of you, or his money? Your behaviour is a reflection of your heart and mind. If your heart and mind are full of plans to deceive and manipulate your Husband you are nothing but a "fascinating" actress.
Also, I felt that this book lacked substance. Too many instructions kept me yearning for her theological and moral reasoning behind it all. There was none, bar a couple of scriptures thrown in. Please bear in mind that the author is mormon, and I hasten to add that she lacks the knowledge to back up her many instructions.
Read "the Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace for a more wholesome,mature,honest and God-orientated marriage."
~ Written on 2006-12-04

".... if A Man (any man) is what you want. I should know: I've been a "fascinating woman" for most of my life. Feminine, childlike, doting and domestic, I've had almost as many proposals as I've had boyfriends. I even married a couple of them! The problem is that the kind of man who is attracted by mindless devotion is often the kind of man who is abusive to women. Of course that is not always the case, but what scares me about this book is that a woman who was already trapped in a terrifying relationship, who looked to Ms Andelin for advice, would find herself doubling her efforts - and earning even more of her partner's contempt.

If you have somehow grown up to feel "unfeminine", this book will probably help you. Where relationships are concerned, however, there can't be any single answer for everyone. For women in a bad relationship, books like this one are lethal. Avoid."
~ Written on 2004-05-21

"As a Relationship Counciler I have read many self help books that will supposedly heal your relationship and this is one of the few that i won't be re-reading. While I will not deny that many men do need to be nurtered occassionally, the idea that you must be gratefull for his love and understanding made me feel like i was a second class citizen! Divorce may be on the increase but that may have something to do with the fact that it is so much easier to marry. I found this book to be an interesting study of how relationships used to be conducted, but it neglected the fact that men value their women and that in return women value their men for who they are. After all we fall in love with the person and if that is an illusion the relationship will not last."
~ Written on 2003-06-15