Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

"I really liked the central concept of the book, that is you should love your child unconditionally, success or failure, naughty or good, and that the child should know that they are loved unconditionally so that they can grow up secure. However I was very disappointed with the actual substance about the nitty gritty daily life and how you manage things. There were lots of don'ts - don't praise your child when they've been good, don't punish them when they've been bad - but I felt it was lacking on the what you are supposed to do."
~ Written on 2008-06-05

"What I particularly love about this book is the fact Kohn uses real research and evidence to back up everything he says. Name me some *mainstream* parenting books that can cite as many studies as Kohn does!

And they all say the same thing. Punishments don't work. They don't work in the long term (after all, you wanted to raise a good *adult* didn't you? Not just a "good" child?) but even more surprisingly, they don't always work in the short term, either! And even more astoundingly... neither do rewards!

Thank goodness I read it now instead of waiting until my son had already been subjected to the mainstream (combative, detached, adversarial) parenting endorsed by our culture.

No, don't worry, Kohn does *not* just say "anything goes" and you should let your child do absolutely everything they want to; he gives excellent advice on how to lovingly guide your child into becoming a great adult... whilst not having a melt-down in the supermarket!

I would recommend this to anyone and everyone planning to be parents. I don't often say a book has changed my life, but this one has. "
~ Written on 2008-03-30

"Like most parents, I have tried start-charts, time-outs, naughty chair, sticker books, you name it. But at the back of my mind there had always been a niggling feeling that these traditional 'methods' were not the right way forward. Unconditional Parenting gave me the power to question those traditional beliefs and the tools to work with my child, to treat him with the respect and unconditional love that every child deserves. So often we enter into parenthood weighted down by our past - how we were treated by our parents. I'm so glad to be able to break that cycle. Read this book and stop treating your children as enemies who must be tamed and controlled."
~ Written on 2008-03-03

"When I read psychology as a mature student, a fascinating character, BF Skinner stood out. His methods were all about stick and carrot, and form part of conventional [unchallenged] wisdom as to the way we all tick.

Any parent will tell you that bribes and punishment have a very limited impact, and clearly Kohn has succeeded in offering stuff that really works.

Yes Skinner might have taught pigeons to play table tennis [this is actually true], but unless you see your kids in a similar light, read how to really help them with this book.
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~ Written on 2008-02-18

"This book not only makes sense it makes being a parent so much more satisfying and enjoyable. I have been parenting my children in this way and it just gets better and better. This book is intelligent, insightful and clear and unlike so many books on parenting Alfie Kohn is neither patronising nor arrogant. I canot recommend it highly enough."
~ Written on 2007-09-23