Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

"Before counselor Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. teaches you how to improve your relationship, he asks you to think about why you were attracted to your partner in the first place. The answer, he explains, is that you were looking for a mate who possesses the same basic qualities as your parents. Why? Because people subconsciously seek relationships with those who will exorcise their childhood pain. Unfortunately, most people tend to reopen - as opposed to healing - these wounds in their adult liaisons, leading to the "power struggle" that ensues in many relationships. Hendrix and his wife, Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt, say that the way out of this destructive cycle is to practice the tenants of "Imago Relationship Therapy," which they created. Their therapeutic approach includes making a true, lifelong commitment, treating each other in a loving manner, learning how to communicate constructively and eliminating negativity from your relationship. You may well find some benefits in the Imago approach even if you don't fully buy Hendrix's basic parent-seeking premise. The authors have trained some 2,000 therapists to use this approach, although Part III offers solid exercises you can do yourself. If you are seeking a relationship self-help book that discusses how to avoid getting hurt, how to deepen your communication and how to build a long-term connection, getAbstract recommends this bestseller. "
~ Written on 2008-05-28

"The book is an easy and enjoyable read. I gleaned great number of pearls of wisdom and revealing insights about my marriage, myself and the reasons I do those things that make my spouse irritated. The author presents 16 exercises, which you can do together with your spouse to work on your relationship. They are interesting and practical, blended in a very readable format. Keep in mind however that this is not a quick fix book full of easy answers.

In it, Dr. Hendrix introduces the imago model, which he developed as a tool for understanding relationship problems. His approach is quite interesting to read as you will discover the "roots" of some of your marriage problems and will gain greater insight. I found this book valuable and directly applicable to my life. It gives you the tools to understand yourself as well as your partner. From that, you can start resolving long standing problems. It really helps you to get below the surface problems and deal with underlying issues. Near the end you are presented with two couples where everything you have learned is applied to show how situations can go from bad to blissful. Additional bestseller that helped my husband and me to achieve that is scientist Ritz' "Scientifically guaranteed multi-orgasms and ultimate sex". We highly recommend both of them."
~ Written on 2006-07-09

"Was recommended this book by a counsellor and have found it to be a real help - insightful, sensitive and intelligent. I read it while my husband read "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ", and the two seemed to dove-tail very nicely. We've used the exercises and feel that we understand one another more and more. There is greater intimacy, trust and the pervading sense of hopelessness has been replaced with a more optimistic, chance at a better future - together.

Read it and watch your marriage grow !"
~ Written on 2005-08-01

"This book was recommended to me by a top London family therapist after a year of marriage counselling. I devoured it in one sitting, gave to my husband to read (who just doesn't read "self-help" books, but he breezed through this one) and we both agreed that we got out of it more than from a year of therapy.

Very easy to read, it provides a great new insight into the marriage dynamics and makes you wonder why this is not a wideknown truth and why it isn't full of "Imago" therapists (the author calls his particular approach "Imago therapy").

The book has a set of exercises at the end, which if you do over 10 weeks are supposed to significantly improve your relationship. We are in week 2 and so far so good.

I highly recommend this book. Even if you do not do a single exercise and your partner doesn't want to hear about it, you will still get wisdom and perspective I had not come across anywhere else and which is bound to make you a better and more understanding partner and improve your relationship."
~ Written on 2005-07-18

"I've just started reading this book, but it has already been a great help to me as it makes simple things I wouldn't think of so obvious. I also purchased two other bestsellers of this author "Giving the love that heals" and "Getting the love you want" and I am looking forward to reading them as well. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in psychology in a relationships and self-discovery."
~ Written on 2003-09-02