Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship

"I've had this book for a while and it wasnt until a friend of mine called and said that I should read this book, I did find it a bit strange, but I agreed to read the book - Before reading this book it was like going into a battlefield with no armour, AFTER reading this book lets just say I am now FULLY ARMOURED and ready for 'battle'
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~ Written on 2008-07-01

"I found this book took an extreme approach to relationships. Although Harris himself states at the beginning of the book that "God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all plan for relationships" and that courtship isn't something he wants to point readers toward but rather "to help you place God squarely in the middle of your love life"; the more I read the less convinced I was that that really was what Harris was saying. As I read on, I couldn't help feeling that 'Boy Meets Girl' does read like an ad campaign for courtship. I mean, what else is it? Harris clearly thinks that courtship is the best way for a relationship to lead to marriage, but what worked for him is not necessarily what will work for everyone else. People's love stories will take many different shapes and forms, that's what makes them beautiful. People who read 'Boy Meets Girl' should not feel that they have to conform to the rules Harris lays out in his book, although if they feel God is telling them that's what they have to do, then they can.
Don't get me wrong. 'Boy Meets Girl' is well-written, and Harris' foundations for courtship and a God-centred relationship clearly set out and difficult to argue with. However, in spite of Harris' belief that courtship is rooted in the Bible, I am less sure. The Bible has a lot to say about the way we should live our lives, but it says nothing about dating because it didn't exist back then. If it did, we probably wouldn't be reading books on 'how to do' Christian dating.
I found several things about 'courtship' a bit strange. For a couple who are 'courting', their relationship seems to be undefined at the beginning because they aren't sure if they will get married or not, yet they are entering a committment which could lead to marriage. And yet Harris states in Chapter 3 that "You can't have a purposeful relationship" (which is what courtship is about), "or set a clear course for it when marriage is so far off." Although a couple who enter into a 'courtship' should be at least considering marriage, Harris writes that courtship can be "low-pressure and casual when it begins" and that it "shouldn't be too serious too soon." I found his attempts to explain what courtship was slightly confusing at times. Harris states that courtship is "A willingness to honestly explore the merits of a lifelong committment...by answering the 'What's the point?' question...at the very outset." Yet in another chapter, he argues that it is not 'a form of preengagement'. While all the things he says courtship is or should be were very good, the 'more than friends, less than lovers' talk was rather vague, and sounded awkward to me.

The biggest issue I had with 'Boy Meets Girl' is that it is one guy's idea of the best way to develop a relationship which will lead to marriage, and one guy's idea of the best way to date. Joshua Harris met the love of his life at age 23 and married her 2 years later. My point being that it doesn't work out that way for a great number of Christians. I also disagree with the implication that the book makes: you can have God at the centre of your relationship without uttering the word 'courtship' and without following a long list of rules and a 'formula'. As long as God is at the centre, isn't that what matters?

On saying all that however, I'm sure many people will find this book challenging and inspiring. Just remember: when it comes to relationships, one size does not fit all. "
~ Written on 2008-05-26

"This is the first of Joshua Harris' books that I read. After reading this about a year ago I then invested in his other books and have never been dissapointed. Joshua Harris write's honestly and from the heart but most importantly all in alignment with God's word.
Even if you're not familiar with the concept of courting this book is still helpful to any relationship because there is so much you can take from it. I thoroughly recommend this book to anyone whether you're in a relationship or not, either way you won't regret buying it."
~ Written on 2007-10-18

"I think Harris's aims are very laudable, wanting to come up with a approach towards finding a mate that is God honoring.

However, he implies (though never explicitly states which I find a little dishonest) that his approach is the only true christian approach and anyone who does anything different (which includes dating/not having a clear marital intention before starting a relationship/ even kissing before marraige) is at best, foolish and at worst, downright sinful.

To justify this, Harris often stretches scripture beyond its actual meaning, I fear (for example Song of Solomon 3:5 which he quotes a lot).

Its certainly orth a read though, and I have no doubt that his approach works - I just don't think its the only christian way.
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~ Written on 2007-05-05

"This book is very practical and i recommend it to anyone who wants serious help with dating problems, or just very good advice, from someone who has experienced the problems first hand.
This book is a real treasure."
~ Written on 2005-09-09