Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity

"Hirigoyen's 'Stalking the Soul' sets out in chilling detail the methods of emotional abusers at home and at work; no matter what the abused do, she tells readers, they will be wrong-footed at every turn. It's a war the abused cannot win, other than by leaving. If you stand up for yourself, she points out - you'll provoke more anger and retaliation, yet if you do not leave, you'll always live in fear.

Hirigoyen also identifies the people most likely to suffer abuse, and sets out some suggestions for dealing with the aftermath - as there is no way to halt chronic emotional abuse - the abuser will use techniques to undermine identity and confidence of the abused in order to pin them into the relationship.

This book is probably the first step for victimised people suffering abuse, it will at least help in their recognition of the methods abusers use, and give them the confidence to deal with the consequences with professional help. The book also details some of the long-term consequences of abuse and points the reader toward regaining charge of their lives.

The author points out that abuse is also endemic in the workplace, but here she suggests taking a strong stand against it.

The book is a vital first step for anyone in an abusive relationship of any kind, and unlike many other books on the subject, is hugely authoritative, and cannot be recommended highly enough.
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~ Written on 2008-09-02

"This book is an eye opener to how our society puts on blinders to emotional abuse to the extent that even the victim can be forced to feel that they need to tolerate the abuse and that's its something they did wrong to trigger it or that they are the weaker one's. It helps to demystify these falsified claims and whilst psychologists and society seem to favor the abusers (without realising they are easily being manipulated and seduced themselves) and say that the abuser suffers from a mental illness, Marie- France Hirigoyen states that psychiatric illness does not cause abusiveness. It arises from dispassionate rationality combined with an incapacity to respect others as human beings. Whatever society may think the simple truth is that there is no reason for abuse and victims are not to be held responsible for it.
She also challenges society who only responds to physical forms of abuse and neglects the destructive consequence of emotional abuse at times not even giving this abuse an existence in society. She challenges professionals themselves who follow conventional myths and states that without the right help, a therapist themselves may intensify the victim's destructive process.
She argues that emotional abuse is a criminal act of clean violence with the dangerous and destructive intentions of murdering one's soul.
It's the best book describing what emotional abuse is and how damaging it is. Nobody as been able to describe such a 'hidden' phenomenon issue so accurately. The book is divided in three sections: emotional abuse, which covers the private life and abuse within the workplace, the abusive relationship and finally consequences of abuse.
The chapter on abusive relationships in particular is of extraordinary therapeutic value exposing the true psychology of the abuser and giving the victim an understanding to their confusion and paralyses to always react to such torment and suffering. It is a must for victims, professionals and the public with an interest to this topic. An eye opening book that will reveal the answers to the questions always asked.
Highly recommended.
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~ Written on 2008-08-31

"Emotional abuse is very insidious and distructive. Many books that I have read focus on physical violence. This is the first one that I have come accross that is based entirely on the damaging effects of emotional abuse. The book described my life and made me realise that I wasn't going mad. From the first stages of our relationship where my husband was the most caring attentive man that I had ever come accross to the reality of the real person who was so cold, vindictive,emotionless and guilt free who made me a target for all his anger and venom. He was a clever illusionist and to the outside world he was the perfect husband and father. My children and I also took part in this illusion as to play happy families in company was always a break from the normal torment behind closed doors. Indoors we were victim to a cruel vindictive man who's personality could swing so dramatically none of us knew where we were from one day to the next. The book helped me stop trying to understand the abuser from my view point and realise that they see things in a very different way. Women who are emotionally abused often can't get out because their confidence is shattered and they feel so much grief because they are constantly yearning for the nice guy that they met to come back. Brief viewings of this nice side of their personality holds you in for years and years and years. After reading this book it helped me realise that I had to let it go, give it up, experience the grief and loss of the ideal that I wanted a happy family life as to stay in this situation would eventually destroy me. What is more frightening is the damage that is done to the children. My eldest daughter also became a target and her view point and hard persona is fightening to watch. Beware though the abuser is out to destroy those he can't emotionally control. Remember to the outside world he is a nice guy. Be ready for neighbours, friends and associates to turn against you. He will weave a web of lies about your character which others will find hard not to believe. My husband even infiltrated my colleges at work, teachers at my daughters school and mothers in the playground. My advise would be for every young woman to buy this book so you can recognise an emotional abuser before they hook you in and destroy you self worth."
~ Written on 2008-06-21

"I have a particular interest in abuse of people having seen the consequences in so many of my patients. Ms Hirigoyen has produced a masterpiece here helping victims understand the abuse process. I agree with other reviewers that there is less emphasis on how to deal with these often appalling situations but I am afraid that is the point about the narcissus abuser who actually cannot be tamed or changed. It is the equivalent of trying to stop another eating or drinking. Abuse is the life blood of the abuser. Escape is the solution and the problem for sufferers that is the victim is that escape is very difficult and guilt and shame will pervade their lives unless they can get insight as given in this marvellous account. My only criticism would be the absence of reference to church/ministry or spiritual abuse which is an equally large field and perhaps even more damaging. There are few good books on this latter subject (see Ken Blue, Healing Spiritual Abuse)and I think Hirigoyen might have opened the door here for those so afflicted."
~ Written on 2008-04-26

"BRILLIANT! This book is an eye-opener. I can't emphises enough how important this book is for people who were emotionally abused. If you feel that something is wrong in your environment, if you feel you don't belong to yourself anymore, if you are robed of your energy and authonomy of your own desicion making process than you MUST read this book. Many of the things the author speaks about I felt but was unable to explain until I read the book and got wider perspectives. As the author is French the book is written in higher level than the regular self-help books and has extensive academic backgorund, all of which are added bonuses to the style and contribution given by Marie-France Hirigoyen. It took me four days to read it and after that for about a month I was not well as it opened my eyes to twisted world of emotional abuse. The book helped me to understand and finally feel that there was nothing wrong with me but with ones who are trying to break my spirit, as the author puts. Also it helped to understand that there is no need to understand others' behaviour, it is enough to see through it and to move away. This is revolutionary book, THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT MmE HIROGOYEN! M

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~ Written on 2007-07-16