Dad Rules: What I Learned from My Girls

"As anyone who has become a parent recently will know there are a plethora of books available to help you get through those first few weeks, months, years. The sheer volume of titles is in itself unhelpful before we even start to consider how contradictory they all are. Driven through desperation to actually consult the health service with a question you will usually be greeted by the stock reply: 'Well, every baby is different' ('Yes, but is its vomit supposed to be green or do we have an exorcist-style situation going on here?').

Driven by a similar regard for the 200-plus page tomes he saw, Andrew Colver decided to write this book (you may have come across his musings in the Sunday Times Style magazine in the Dad Rules column) which he begins by condensing his parenting experience into three sentences

1. Don't be reading two-hundred page books. Try to sleep.
2. Don't let them suck too long, or mum's nip will really hurt.
3. Get out of the way when they puke.

That gives you a pretty good idea of the tone. Clover is a comedian and actor, so the book is filled with great one-liners. There have been plenty of jokes made about the emotional state of a woman in labour but nobody has put it quite so well as he does: 'You don't mess with a woman in labour. Even if she decides she wants to eat the baby, I'll back her up.'

He doesn't do much to dispel the myth that men are just big boys until they're forced to grow up by a woman (and even then they're just pretending to be grown up) but his innocence/ignorance makes him an entertaining guide into the world of parenting. What he really discovers is how to be happy. As we follow his stuttering acting career, his reliance on the weed to cope with comedy gigs, childcare, and just about anything really, he slowly learns to trust his instincts when looking after his daughters. If you're knackered, get creative:

'"You know what would be a really nasty trick?" I say. "If I fell asleep and, when I woke up, someone had painted all over my back."
I put my head on the table, and have a quiet doze. They paint my back. It's absolutely delicious. It feels like I'm being massaged by fairies.'

There are some refreshingly honest thoughts from a male perspective too.

'They say that women forget the pain of childbirth or they'd never do it again. Similarly, men must forget the pain of living with a pregnant woman, or the whole world would be like China. Families would have one child each. They'd also have fewer wardrobes.'

He does occasionally sound a little sentimental, as when he mentions that all his friends have become famous or disappeared but that's ok because he's bred two perfect companions. And as someone who can only dream of living in a place like Muswell Hill, the hard luck/no money story wore a little thin but where this book really succeeds is not with childcare philosophy or any kind of life lessons but with the relentless sense of humour which reminds you that as hard as it is, as tiring as it can be, it's still the best thing you'll ever do."
~ Written on 2008-11-29

"As a proud and devoted father of three wonderful children IMHO (....read the book and you'll understand the brackets!) this outstanding book validated what I found in my own journey, giving it a perspective and structure for the first time.

The rules are told with razor sharp wit and self deprecating humour (which I absolutely adored, probably because I identified with it so much). It also provides a candid appreciation of how relationships change when you have a family - all told with a stark and telling honesty.

I don't think I've ever read a book where the author is so obviously self aware and comfortable with what he or she finds.

Read this book, as the title of my review says; I cried, laughed and reflected on how important my three kids are to me. It allowed me to validate these feelings in a context and totality I'd never enjoyed or experienced before.

The hard part is now putting it into practice........perhaps a sequel will be needed. Come on Andrew!!!"
~ Written on 2008-08-12

"One of the funniest, most truthful pieces I ever read was an Andrew Clover Sunday Times column about the sport of Baby Dump - about how parents dump the baby on each other. So I bought Dad Rules for my husband as a Father's Day present. He's a very slow reader. I thought he'd like a series of funny stories, that he could dip into every night. Once he'd started, I figured I could borrow the book back and read it myself. My first surprise was that he read it in one sitting. The second was that he became convulsed with laughter, which I've never seen before. The third was that he cried, twice. The fourth was that he told me he loved me - which he never normally does. The fifth was that he suggested we had more children - which is unthinkable. So then I read the book myself. My first surprise was that the book didn't read like a collection of short funny stories. It's got a speedy narrative to it, and has also got some very charming cartoons. My second surprise was realising how brilliantly clever it is. Every chapter gives you a different Dad Rule: they tell you something Clover has learned, about how to be happy. As you read the book, you feel you're changing with him, becoming wiser, and happier, and more loving. I've now bought five more copies. I'm going to give them to any parent who's recently had a child, and to any men who are scared of having children (I know several), and to anyone who would like to have a laugh. My third surprise, which I only realised a week or so later, was that Dad Rules doesn't contain the Baby Dump piece. I'm hoping Clover is saving it for a sequal. I hope he's getting on with it. I want it as soon as possible. "
~ Written on 2008-07-15

"Whether you have children or not you will adore this book. Andrew Clover's genius soars out from every page. Hilarious, honest and humbling, Clover portrays parenting as it should be - fun, frolics and fantasy. I just wish I'd read it before having my three, it puts parenting into perspective. A best seller if ever I saw one - spread the word."
~ Written on 2008-06-18

"Loved Clover's mischievous, launch into the priceless joys and perils of fatherhood. He shows you that anything can happen and how you may have to chuck out most of the Dad Rules you grew up with, if parenting is to be the often outrageous, irreverent adventure he suggests. Brazenly honest and often hilarious, you'll love this book.

I've bought two copies already and I predict this will be a bestseller through the grape vine. I'm praying he'll write another - it's also a kick up the arse for the nanny state."
~ Written on 2008-06-18