The Art of Loving

"This author is amazing. His insight from back in the 30's- 50's is really incredible.
A perceptive and great writer. I enjoy his work. This book is very special because it the first one I read of his. I've given this book to many friends.
Highly recommended."
~ Written on 2008-08-10

""Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, not how to love." -Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving

I picked up this book by chance at the Miami Dade County Book Fair. I had heard of Fromm briefly in my psychology class, and thought this little book (the actual text not more than 130 pages) would be a great companion to another book I picked up on love in Shakespeare's plays. Judging by his background psychology, I prepared myself for The Art of Loving to turn out like many other psychoanalytic books tend to be: a small book that would take an unimaginable amount of time to read. However, it was quite the contrary; what I encountered in this small book was an eye-opening experienced that made me aware of both my accomplishments and my failures in life. I found myself reading the book from cover to cover, flipping it over and starting again.

As I read (and reread) the book felt like Fromm was talking directly to me, as if he and I were sitting down and having an in-depth conversation on love's role in my life. Fromm touches on all forms of love from parental love, to brotherly (neighborly) love, to erotic love, to love of God, and to self love, which he specifically explains is very different from narcissism. He speaks of the problem in the Western world's concept of love as a temporary gratification and a purely selfish act and discusses how to rectify it by attempting to invert what is seen and practiced in the world by learning to live in love, hinging it on the art of giving of oneself.

However, do not expect, as Fromm states in the first section of this book, that you will find a step by step guide on `how to love'. This book is more of an awareness of what love is and how humanity does not love. It very much reveals yourself to yourself, and shows you how love is verb not a noun (thus an art and not a name). It is something you have to do constantly, not wait for it to come to you. As Fromm says, "What are the necessary steps in learning any art? One, mastery of the theory; two, mastery of the practice." For Fromm love is the answer to human existence and one must first learn to love oneself before he can attempt to love others. It is a self-changing experience.
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~ Written on 2008-01-07

"This book was very impressive and I learned a lot about the subject of love and myself. It would be nice if every couple who are deciding to get married would read this book. If they did, perhaps they would understand going in that there is a lot more to it than 'what is in it for me.' Perhaps the sad divorce rate in our country would dissipate some extent. This book belongs on the top shelf with the other books I consider master works. I plan on reading the rest of Fromm's works. "
~ Written on 2007-11-09

"I read Erich Fromm's book many years ago, when I was in college in the late 60s/early 70s. It subtantially changed the way I viewed the world and to today influences what I believe and do.

I just bought a copy of the volume for my daughter who is working her way into adulthood, on the hope that it can help her the way it helped me.

I don't think there is any other work I have recommended to others more in my life and I recommend it to you. It is a short, wise book.

William J. Trinkle----"
~ Written on 2007-11-08

"Fromm makes it clear that love is not some cheap sentiment that we receive or that we become "loveable" to earn love. He makes it clear that no easy cliches will teach us the art of loving. In other words, this is no self-help book packaging easy-to-swallow bromides about love. Rather, Fromm argues we must first eradicate our illogical and inaccurate notions of love in modern society and see that love is not an "object" but a "faculty," a way of being that requires complete transformation of the whole personality. Once he establishes that being loving is a rare achievement, he establishes the theory and practice of love. The theory is rooted in a tragic view of humans, namely, we are lonely and separate and this separateness can only be overcome by love, which requires discipline and patience and of course practice. This small gem of a book has survived and will survive because even though the answers are not easy they are true and universal. An excellent companion to this masterpiece is Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning."
~ Written on 2007-10-23