How to Win Friends and Influence People

"I wish I would have read this many years ago. It's great for career, and personal areas. I bought a few copies to share with others. As long as you are interested in becoming a better person, and not just a novel, this is the book that will deliver."
~ Written on 2008-06-13

"Although originally written several decades ago, Carnegie's masterpiece about human
relationships is still timeless classic with principles that still apply today. Carnegie crafts a classic on how to create strong and lasting relationships with others through listening, understanding, and emphasizing. He argues convincingly that the way to win friends and influence people is to make others feel important. Simple, but extremely powerful concepts!

The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
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~ Written on 2008-06-13

"Paul Graham (Hackers and Painters) has mentioned that an important read for preparing to start your own business is How To Win Friends and Influence People. I'm happy to report that this gem from 1936 is timeless and truly life-changing. I believe Paul's reasons for the recommendation include: the importance of charisma, general rounding out one's personality, and finding ways to get responsiveness from people by making them feel good.

My real intent in making this review is to get you to pick up a copy of this book and absorb every nugget, so your relationships will increase and improve.

One complaint I have is that the table of contents does not very well summarize the maxims. They are, however, listed in a table at the end of each of the sections. I'll combine them here by their major sections.

Fundamentals for handling people: Don't be critical. Be sincerely appreciative, not flattering. Arouse in the other person an eager want, by focusing on their needs instead of yours.

Making people like you: Get others to do most of the talking. Listen well, and make them feel important. Then they'll feel so good about being listened to that they'll do anything for you.

Win people to your way of thinking: Always start in a friendly way, and be dramatic! See things from the other person's point of view, and be sympathetic with that view.

Leadership: Give lots of genuine praise, and be encouraging. Talk about your own mistakes first, and make his faults seem easy to correct. Ask questions instead of giving orders. Give the other person person a fine reputation to live up to, and let him save face.

Some of the lessons in the book are especially challenging to apply; e.g., making other people feel like your ideas are their own. A fundamental part of an entrepreneur's livelihood is idea generation. But ideas supposedly are not terribly valuable on their own (it's the execution that counts), so maybe this maxim is still valid. This seems to underscore the importance of having a lot of trust in your business partner(s).

I've noticed that a lot of people don't call me by my name; maybe just because it's slightly uncommon. I do make an effort to remember someone's name and use it with some frequency. It was encouraging to hear Carnegie underscore this. He's right -- it does feel good when someone addresses me properly.

I'm going to change my approach to making requests of people. I have a habit of getting right to the point and immediately stating what I want and why. That's probably why so many of my requests go unanswered! A general theme in the book is that getting what you want involves some indirection. I.e., think of things from the other person's perspective and present things from an angle of how they are the beneficiary.

Overall, lots of Carnegie's ideas are common sense, but it still was useful to hear him voice them. Some of the principles are not so obvious and I probably wouldn't have ever discovered them on my own. I toted this book around with me for a couple weeks and found that having the ideas fresh in my head greatly improved my interactions with people. For this reason, I think this book (or its summary) would be highly valuable to skim over before every important meeting."
~ Written on 2008-05-01

"What an excellent book How to Win Friends and Influence People is. It teaches you how to get along better with other people, which will improve the overall quality of your life. A must read book.

I also recommend that you also read The Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons by Napoleon Hill. The Kindle version also includes a free copy of Napoleon Hill's classic, Think and Grow Rich. "
~ Written on 2008-03-04

"This book is like the ABC's of human relations. I think that everyone, including young people justing starting out in the world should read this book. It gives a great foundation for relationships of all types. No reading this book, from a human relations perspective, is like not realizing some basics that can take you far. A must read! "
~ Written on 2008-01-06