The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work
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By: Terrence Real
Format: Paperback
From: Ballantine Books
Pub. Date: December 2007
From: Ballantine Books
Pub. Date: December 2007
Product Details:
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2008-01-29
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 320
Ean: 9780345480866
Isbn: 0345480864
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2008-01-29
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 320
Ean: 9780345480866
Isbn: 0345480864
ABOUT THE BOOK
EDITORIAL REVIEW
In his extraordinary new book, Terrence Real, distinguished therapist and bestselling author, presents a long overdue message that women need to hear: You aren’t crazy–you’re right!
Women have changed in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy. Yet many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. They don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.
Enter the good news: In this revolutionary book, Real shows women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationship that they desire and deserve. He identifies five non-starters to avoid and shares practical strategies for bringing honesty, passion, and joy back to even the most difficult relationship. Using his experience helping thousands of couples shift from despair to profound emotional closeness, Real guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner. With this program you’ll discover how to
- identify and articulate your wants and needs
- listen well and respond generously
- set limits, and stand up for yourself
- embrace and appreciate what you have
- know when to seek outside help
The New Rules of Marriage will introduce you to a radically new kind of relationship, one based on the idea that every woman has the power to transform her marriage, while men, given the right support, have it in them to rise to the occasion.
We have never wanted so much from our relationships as we do today. More than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers. The New Rules of Marriage shows us how to fulfill this courageous and uncompromising new vision.
From the Hardcover edition.
Women have changed in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy. Yet many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. They don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.
Enter the good news: In this revolutionary book, Real shows women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationship that they desire and deserve. He identifies five non-starters to avoid and shares practical strategies for bringing honesty, passion, and joy back to even the most difficult relationship. Using his experience helping thousands of couples shift from despair to profound emotional closeness, Real guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner. With this program you’ll discover how to
- identify and articulate your wants and needs
- listen well and respond generously
- set limits, and stand up for yourself
- embrace and appreciate what you have
- know when to seek outside help
The New Rules of Marriage will introduce you to a radically new kind of relationship, one based on the idea that every woman has the power to transform her marriage, while men, given the right support, have it in them to rise to the occasion.
We have never wanted so much from our relationships as we do today. More than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers. The New Rules of Marriage shows us how to fulfill this courageous and uncompromising new vision.
From the Hardcover edition.
USER REVIEWS
"I read TR's previous two books while trying to save my 16-yr old marriage. I even went to see him for a full-day (w/ my ex-) and a half-day. Full cost: $11,000. In hindsight, TR punched through the psychobabble of 4 previous therapists and hit home on how both of us were sabotaging the relationship. Our marriage was one of those were the woman was running from self-analysis and I sought the safe-space of a therapists office. Net net, she didn't take his advice and I did (to be more honest and less nice) - which he had predicted; two months later we separated and I am now in a much more intimate, loving relationship with my second wife. "
~ Written on 2008-08-25
~ Written on 2008-08-25
"As a therapist and a married person I find Terry Real's work to be extremely helpful. It is practical direct and hopeful. The many case examples and real examples of what "to do" are very useful. This book is easily read by therapists and lay people alike. Its an easy read and I recommend it. "
~ Written on 2008-05-21
~ Written on 2008-05-21
"Mr. Real's first 2 books are useful in understanding male depression and how that blocks and prevents men from finding intimacy. However as he says himself in this book his message boils down to-be nice to each other. Rather like "Dr. it hurts when I do this." "So stop doing it." Also as other reviewers noted -it really sinks into self-aggrandisement. Beware when anyone seeking to "enlighten" you begins to suggest they have the TRUE knowledge, and only They have it. Save your money. "
~ Written on 2008-05-05
~ Written on 2008-05-05
"The enduring theme of this work, which promises so much to women, revolves around men being to blame for the failure of modern relationships. It seems that we have neglected to alter ourselves to the necessary extent. If we did then we could better meet the needs of the liberated woman. The new rules are a process and curriculum whereby men and women can save their unions provided that men learn to act more like women.
Male nature is neither an outcome of regimes nor media slant, it is a result of biology. Over the course of the last decade the social constructionist perspective has been rendered obsolete by science. Women and men are known to have disparate biological imperatives and goals in life. Advocating for one sex to obliterate their concerns and proclivities in the hopes of making things easier for the other is both absurd and despicable. More importantly, it cannot work anyway. Societal cheerleading will never succeed in getting men to purge themselves of their essence...which is what makes them men.
Getting men to verbalize their thoughts and emotions is pointless, foolhardy, downright goofy, and a waste of time. After all, talking about emotion is as useful as singing about electrical engineering. Of course, there is much to disdain about The New Rules of Marriage, but what offended me most was its pervasive celebration of inequality amongst the sexes. Women want more out of relationships today so...men must give it to them. Why is that the case? In every equitable transaction, the side who asks for more must offer more in exchange. This leads us to ask, what do modern women offer men that is superior to what their predecessors proffered in the past?
Take your time mulling that one over because the man who enters into a marriage contract in 2008 faces far more risks than he ever did at any other point in history. In all likelihood, his wife will be infinitely more sexualized, far more materialistic, blatantly more narcissistic, and far less motherly than any woman who bonded with his ancestors. Given this eventuality, is it any surprise that modern men are increasingly reluctant to commit?
Twenty-first century women not only fail to render a quid pro quo they also--by demanding that men retain their traditional function as objects of status and wealth while also adding new requirements such as males be Chatty Cathy's and neatly-trimmed launderettes--have inflated their price beyond what the market can possibly pay. Today's woman may describe herself in glowing terms, but a look at the chassis should alert potential customers that what is labeled a Lexus was actually made by Daewoo.
Asking men to alter their consciousness in the hopes of accommodating women is preposterous. Such a wish should reveal to the direct sex that society's advocacy for equality was a ruse all along; nothing but a dense smog concealing a desire for female supremacy. Rather than internalize these New Rules men should memorize a more imperative injunction: Caveat Emptor.
"
~ Written on 2008-01-02
Male nature is neither an outcome of regimes nor media slant, it is a result of biology. Over the course of the last decade the social constructionist perspective has been rendered obsolete by science. Women and men are known to have disparate biological imperatives and goals in life. Advocating for one sex to obliterate their concerns and proclivities in the hopes of making things easier for the other is both absurd and despicable. More importantly, it cannot work anyway. Societal cheerleading will never succeed in getting men to purge themselves of their essence...which is what makes them men.
Getting men to verbalize their thoughts and emotions is pointless, foolhardy, downright goofy, and a waste of time. After all, talking about emotion is as useful as singing about electrical engineering. Of course, there is much to disdain about The New Rules of Marriage, but what offended me most was its pervasive celebration of inequality amongst the sexes. Women want more out of relationships today so...men must give it to them. Why is that the case? In every equitable transaction, the side who asks for more must offer more in exchange. This leads us to ask, what do modern women offer men that is superior to what their predecessors proffered in the past?
Take your time mulling that one over because the man who enters into a marriage contract in 2008 faces far more risks than he ever did at any other point in history. In all likelihood, his wife will be infinitely more sexualized, far more materialistic, blatantly more narcissistic, and far less motherly than any woman who bonded with his ancestors. Given this eventuality, is it any surprise that modern men are increasingly reluctant to commit?
Twenty-first century women not only fail to render a quid pro quo they also--by demanding that men retain their traditional function as objects of status and wealth while also adding new requirements such as males be Chatty Cathy's and neatly-trimmed launderettes--have inflated their price beyond what the market can possibly pay. Today's woman may describe herself in glowing terms, but a look at the chassis should alert potential customers that what is labeled a Lexus was actually made by Daewoo.
Asking men to alter their consciousness in the hopes of accommodating women is preposterous. Such a wish should reveal to the direct sex that society's advocacy for equality was a ruse all along; nothing but a dense smog concealing a desire for female supremacy. Rather than internalize these New Rules men should memorize a more imperative injunction: Caveat Emptor.
"
~ Written on 2008-01-02
"Lots of wisdon between these pages, and the nice thing is one member of a couple can use it alone if necessary. Includes the best explanation and discussion of "boundaries" I have ever read. Though the information is marriage specific, the skills discussed apply to all relationships, including non-romantic ones. Personally I wish there were no "case histories" included because the reader knows they have to be fabricated to protect privacy anyway, and I think the theories speak for themselves, so I skip over most of them. Otherwise, a highly recommended read."
~ Written on 2007-11-25
~ Written on 2007-11-25