Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
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By: Sherrie Eldridge
Format: Paperback
From: Delta
Pub. Date: September 1999
From: Delta
Pub. Date: September 1999
Product Details:
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 1999-10-12
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 240
Ean: 9780440508380
Isbn: 044050838X
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 1999-10-12
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 240
Ean: 9780440508380
Isbn: 044050838X
ABOUT THE BOOK
EDITORIAL REVIEW
"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
USER REVIEWS
"Sherrie Eldridge, who was adopted as an infant, shares her insights about the deep-felt loss and guilt that can be part of the adoption experience. This was not always an easy book to read, especially in my role as a soon-to-be adoptive dad, but there were some powerful lessons here, as well as a wealth of ideas about parenting.
At the core of this book is the idea of grief and mourning. Whether conscious or not, adopted children have suffered a loss, and they Eldridge believes that it is necessary for this loss to be grieved in order for true emotional integration to take place.
Eldridge draws from a variety of sources, including books and studies on adoption, as well as interviews with many adopted persons, adoptive parents, and (to a lesser extent) birth parents. She includes insights from counselors and therapists who have helped their patients work through adoption-related issues.
The research is extensive, but mostly anecdotal in nature. The author's ideas make sense, but are not always backed up, and it's easy to fall into the trap of simply attributing every behavior or feeling to adoption-related issues. That being said, the parenting advice in this book is quite good, and it definitely raises questions that might not be immediately obvious for those interested in becoming adoptive parents.
The "twenty things" probably could have been cut down to about eight or so, since many of them are restatements of the same basic ideas. Still, there are plenty of ideas and concepts in this book that are definitely worth reflecting on.
"
~ Written on 2008-08-17
At the core of this book is the idea of grief and mourning. Whether conscious or not, adopted children have suffered a loss, and they Eldridge believes that it is necessary for this loss to be grieved in order for true emotional integration to take place.
Eldridge draws from a variety of sources, including books and studies on adoption, as well as interviews with many adopted persons, adoptive parents, and (to a lesser extent) birth parents. She includes insights from counselors and therapists who have helped their patients work through adoption-related issues.
The research is extensive, but mostly anecdotal in nature. The author's ideas make sense, but are not always backed up, and it's easy to fall into the trap of simply attributing every behavior or feeling to adoption-related issues. That being said, the parenting advice in this book is quite good, and it definitely raises questions that might not be immediately obvious for those interested in becoming adoptive parents.
The "twenty things" probably could have been cut down to about eight or so, since many of them are restatements of the same basic ideas. Still, there are plenty of ideas and concepts in this book that are definitely worth reflecting on.
"
~ Written on 2008-08-17
"As my husband and I consider adoption we are reading as much as we can to insure that our future child is raised with all of the tools necessary to be a healthy, happy human. While this book provides good insights into what adopted children may go through, I felt that the book was really designed for people who have not given much thought to the adoption process and it's effect on a family. While I don't want to go into parenting with rose colored glasses, I often felt that the book was negative toward the process. It seemed that the author thought that her experience as an adoptee was universal. I know many happy, well adjusted adoptees. I am still looking for the book that deals with the issues adopted kids (and their parents) will face, but that isn't condescending in tone. We have not adopted yet, so I do not know how I will feel about this type of book once I am actually mothering an adopted child, but for now this book was not exactly what I was looking for. "
~ Written on 2008-08-13
~ Written on 2008-08-13
"My husband and I are in the middle of the adoption process, and this book was so dark and depressing that I could not get through it. It makes adoption out to be a terrifying, wounding experience that the adoptee will never get over. In addition, it made me as a prospective adoptive mother feel horrible and guilty for wanting to adopt a baby. Books like this will keep people from adopting and will prevent birth mothers from forming adoption plans.
In fairness, it does highlight some important issues surrounding adoption, but it does so in such a dark way that it left me feeling helpless and unsure of what I am doing. I cannot recommend this book to anyone who is considering adoption. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!"
~ Written on 2008-08-05
In fairness, it does highlight some important issues surrounding adoption, but it does so in such a dark way that it left me feeling helpless and unsure of what I am doing. I cannot recommend this book to anyone who is considering adoption. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!"
~ Written on 2008-08-05
"Before, during, or after you adopt read this book! It could prepare, protect, or propell your relationship with your adopted child. In my work as a speaker on family issues, I have adoptive parents ask for resources. This is one book I can highly recommend.
The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start"
~ Written on 2008-07-17
The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start"
~ Written on 2008-07-17
"I will only finish reading this book is because it's required by my adoption agency. I am looking forward to reading other books about adoption; unfortunately this was the first. Initially I laughed at the blatant bias, but as I continued to read, Eldridge's warnings about primal loss and unresolved grief painted an overwhelmingly discouraging and depressing view on adoption, one which is not shared by my friends and family who have been adopted.
As mentioned in other reviews, to support the theory that a three-day-old adopted infant is a grieving infant, the author cites a seven-year-old's recollections of his adoption day. She states, "an adoptive mom...asked her seven-year-old son, who was adopted at three days of age, what his perceptions were of his adoption day. His response was startling; 'I didn't know who any of you were. I didn't even know your names. I was so afraid.'"
Some of Eldridge's suggestions for talking to your child seem likely to plant and foster feelings of helplessness and anger where none may have existed. Yes, you should talk openly with your child. Yes, an adopted child has unique needs and issues. But children are impressionable, and taking a positive view of adoption isn't equivalent to denial. Adoption is a beautiful way to build families, and everyone (adopted or not) has issues that need to be worked out. I would've like the author to spend more time discussing how to be a compassionate, unconditionally loving, nurturing parent. "
~ Written on 2008-05-18
As mentioned in other reviews, to support the theory that a three-day-old adopted infant is a grieving infant, the author cites a seven-year-old's recollections of his adoption day. She states, "an adoptive mom...asked her seven-year-old son, who was adopted at three days of age, what his perceptions were of his adoption day. His response was startling; 'I didn't know who any of you were. I didn't even know your names. I was so afraid.'"
Some of Eldridge's suggestions for talking to your child seem likely to plant and foster feelings of helplessness and anger where none may have existed. Yes, you should talk openly with your child. Yes, an adopted child has unique needs and issues. But children are impressionable, and taking a positive view of adoption isn't equivalent to denial. Adoption is a beautiful way to build families, and everyone (adopted or not) has issues that need to be worked out. I would've like the author to spend more time discussing how to be a compassionate, unconditionally loving, nurturing parent. "
~ Written on 2008-05-18