Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man

"This book made a HUGE impact on my life. I had been in a 7+ year, live-in relationship with a man since High School. The descriptions in this book were DEAD ON. I would frequently jump up screaming after reading passages in the book because they were so accurate it was unbelievable. My favorite was the description of how they often "forget" their wallet in order to get someone else to pay their way. My ex used this one CONSTANTLY. I realized that not only was my ex passive-aggressive, but so was every other man I had ever been attracted to. I then realized that I was co-dependent.

The next man I dated was obviously not passive-aggressive. I was not attracted to him but tried to break the cycle by dating him anyway. He turned out to be a psychopath, felon, registered sex offender, and stalker. So now I've given up, bought a house, and live alone. It's 100 times better than I could have ever imagined (I think I'm cured of my co-dependency now)."
~ Written on 2008-05-27

"I just finished reading this book and to say the least I was emotionally exhausted by the time I reached the last page. The book was incredibly helpful in identifying the behavioral patterns of the PA personality, how they manage to twist or avoid any emotional situation. The sneaky ways in which they are abusive and destructive toward building any meaningful connection toward the people who care for them. The book was incredibly helpful to me in identifing problem issues from a relationship with a PA man. Beyond identifying the PA patterns though I felt that the advice to those who must deal with them was inadequate or at best unreasonable. To quote another reviewer it was "walking on eggshells 101". There seemed to be very little constructive action indicated that we can take as the recipients of this kind of hostile behavior. So much of what was recommended was how to coddle the PA, and check your own needs or feelings at the door. "
~ Written on 2008-03-03

"I couldn't have written a better book myself that describes my husband exactly. It took me nearly twenty years to figure him out and thanks to this book, I am now enlightened! "
~ Written on 2008-01-22

"When purchasing a book I usual read reviews and try to read many of them to get a balance of opinions. I must say I was a little concerned with the negative remarks about how Wetzler blames the person with the passive aggressive man for his behavior. But after reading it with an open mind I have had a break through to see my own role much more clear. I am on a second marriage and both men are good men but very difficult to deal with on almost a daily basis. When it's good it good and then something happens and back at the power struggles. Almost like an oxymoron. One part is loving, ethical person and the other is just not available to the point of making everyday life difficult. Having 2 relationships similar says there is something about me that is choosing this type of person. For every good thing I can say about them there is the double edge sword. The most giving/selfish man I've ever met. Thank you for this book, I see my own role in both of these relationships much more clear and hopefully the current one may be salvaged. We should all take a bit more time looking at ourselves not to blame, but to grow. We are the only ones we truly have control to change. My only complaints are the examples are pretty extreme and I do think that sometimes passive aggressive behavior is more subtle. With extreme examples it's sometimes hard to believe it could be your situation. "
~ Written on 2008-01-20

"Even though I have described my soon-to-be-ex husband passive aggressive many times, I didn't fully understand all of its complexity and manisfestation. I first learned about P-A in more details in Albert Bernstein's book 'Emotional Vampires', which led me to this book and Pattie Henry's 'The Emotionally Unavailable Man'. This book literally saved my sanity! I had so many Oh-my-god moments: the firm nice-guy persona, the fear of dependency, the denial of anger, the excuses and eventually outright lies. The list goes on. I am by no means perfect in the relationship, but I tried to re-examine myself according to all the rationalization he threw at me, which always implied that I was the reason why he couldn't do x, y, and z. The maddening thing was when I confronted him about how painful this was to me, he innocently and even lovingly explained that it was my trust issue, or misunderstanding--anything but him.

After 7 years of maddening and confusing communication, I finally realized no amount of therapy will work if the P-A is not ready to be open, which is extremely difficult for them because the fear and control are at the heart of their denial. Setting bounary is the only healthy thing to do. In my case, it meant divorce. The way I see it is that it is sad to end a marriage, but having one's dignity and sanity is far more important. This book will give you the insight needed to make the best choice for you."
~ Written on 2008-01-01