Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

"But this one explains what's going on in a way that makes it easier to take: Oh, that's why I feel so___. Some parts of loss just will not be resolved. The person experiencing the loss has to change his/her attitude toward the loss because the fact of the loss itself isn't going to change. As one who has lost my partner psychologically and physically to brain damage, this book was comforting. It validated my feelings, making me feel I'm not bad to feel abandoned (for instance) because frankly, I am abandoned in a lot of ways. The suggestion for a ceremony to put a period on the loss is intriguing. I felt better after reading it, and want to go back through it again and take notes about thoughts/ideas I'd like to print up and hang where I can see them often and think them over again. "
~ Written on 2006-10-21

"I found this book to be wonderful. Ambiguous Loss is a hard subject to tackle and answers are not black and white. Pauline has given me a new insight to kinds of loss different than my own.

This book has very inspirational ways to deal with one of the hardest losses a person can face. Since this kind of loss is different for everyone solutions are different for everyone. I feel they are covered.

I am recommending this book for everyone I know! A Must Read!"
~ Written on 2002-03-06

"Here's how I would rate this book if I had the flexibility to do so: five stars, if you need to prove to someone in your life that there is such a thing as ambiguous loss; three stars if your family is suffering the pyschological loss of a family member through a disease such as Alzheimer's; and two stars if you are trying to name or process any other ambiguous loss, from a parent who disappeared after a divorce to a miscarriage to a friendship that melts away.

Be warned: You will not find in these pages much practical advice for dealing with ambiguous loss. Boss's main goal seems to be convincing other therapists and laypeople that ambiguous loss exists. The one concrete step she advocates is family sessions with one or more therapists in attendance for illness-related losses, mainly Alzheimer's.

In non-illness related loss, the book is weak. Boss skims by the effects of a father or mother disappearing after a divorce; families with a history of cutting off family members; the fading of once-close friendships; loss experienced after the ending of an illicit relationship; or rejection in professional situations. She acknowledges these are losses but not how to approach them as such.

In short, if you as an individual already know you are grieving an ambiguous loss and want specific help in dealing with that, you'll find this book disappointing. You'll do better to purchase books on grief/the grieving process."
~ Written on 2002-01-20

"I didn't even know this sort of grief had a name. Emotions are so confusing. Thank you for this book. I also have used a grief journal, Write from Your Heart, A Healing Grief Journal to help me heal. It helps to write my feelings down."
~ Written on 2001-11-17

"Boss understands the ongoing trauma of living with someone who is there/not there and by explaining it, helps us feel a little better. After years of being told to "hate the illness, not the person" with mentally ill siblings or "that's not really your father talking" (cancer/dementia), I found this book extremely validating and helpful with my own work. - Clea Simon, author "Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads" (Wiley) and "Mad House: Growing Up in the Shadow of Mentally Ill Siblings" (Penguin)"
~ Written on 2001-08-01