Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

"memoir written by a brilliant woman trained in child psychiatry, whose path was influenced by a need to heal the damages of her own childhood. That's How the Light Gets In: Memoir of a Psychiatrist by Susan Rako, M.D. owes its title to a song by Leonard Cohen: "There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Rako's book is remarkably candid, fascinating, and wonderfully well-written. It's a great read. The writing just flows.



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~ Written on 2008-09-12

"Great book. A must read for every parent. One of the best parenting books out there."
~ Written on 2008-09-01

"This book was a purchase as a gift to my daughter who brought our first grandchild into the world not long ago. I know about John Gottman and his reputation as an excellent researcher on emotions and how they play out in body language and other ways people communicate with one another. I am also very familiar with the research on Emotional Intelligence developed by Perter Salovey at Yale and popularized by Daniel Goleman. This book integrates all of those sources of profoundly important social science into an amalgam that will surely help parents guide their children toward becoming well balanced and confident. This is not a bunch of pop psychology. It is impotant information from a man who knows whereof he speaks."
~ Written on 2008-08-25

"John Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, a Rabbi, author of the excellent book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," and also an entertaining speaker. My wife and I attended one of his talks on successful marriages. He's the Jerry Seinfeld of the clinical psychologist-Rabbi set.

Against that backdrop, it wasn't difficult for my wife to get me to read "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" after we had our second kid, although I wondered what misdeed on my part prompted the purchase.

As with Seven Principles, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a tad heavy on discussions of research methodology, obviously intended to enhance the credibility of Gottman's conclusions. And some of Gottman's advice is a bit much for any but the most obsessive-compulsive. As an example, I don't think I'll be keeping an "emotion log" anytime soon in order to better understand my feelings "from moment to moment."

Such quirks aside, I recommend this book to every parent. It's short and easy to read, and most readers probably come away wishing their parents had read it. Gottman provides compelling insights and guidance for parents on how to help children identify, understand and work with all kinds of emotions ("emotion coaching"). Concepts are supported by examples of good and bad parental attitudes and/or parent-child interactions. These real-life examples colorfully reinforce Gottman's basic theories and demonstrate the advice in action.

Half way through the book, I found myself already trying to apply its principles in dealing with emotional outbreaks from our young children. They responded well. Gottman presents compelling evidence that parents can play an important role in the emotional well-being and happiness of their children and he argues persuasively that parents who succeed in doing so likely form stronger bonds with their children. That's a lot more value than one usually expects from a $13, 200-page paperback.
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~ Written on 2008-07-14

"This book was published 10 years ago, but the advice is still as timely as ever. Very well written, with just the right blend of research, stories, and recommendations. This book should improve the life of anyone who reads it. When John Gottman talks, people listen!"
~ Written on 2008-06-01