Explosive Child

"We've known for quite some time that our son(age 6) isn't "typical". After almost a year of testing and dealing with doctors we have been able to nail down a diagnosis. Research has told us time and again that traditional punishment and reward systems aren't effective with children like him (I could've told you that years ago), but so far none of the books we've read have offered solutions. It's all, "You can't do this, you can't do that". All right already, I want to know what I CAN do to help!
I was skeptical at first because generally one size fits all solutions are anything but. I really appreciate that this book takes into account the varying range of difficulty from individual children instead of lumping them all into one category. It allows for individual tweaking of the methods introduced to accommodate all sorts of kids.
I appreciate that this book describes my child and his thought processes better than they have ever been described to me before. After years of trying "traditional" parenting with my son I have undergone a complete mind shift and the results have been very good. Even if he has a difficult day and is in the midst of a breakdown, I am able to remain calm because I know he isn't just being willfully defiant or trying to upset me. I can see the effort he puts into making it through each day and I am far more appreciative of his wonderful personality traits. I have a lot more sympathy for his struggles and for the way he experiences the world.
This book also gave me the kick in the rear I needed. Yes, parenting my kids alone while my husband is deployed is hard. I am busy. But if I don't wish to add a few extra minutes to my schedule to make sure things run smoothly for my son then I'm basically egging him on to a meltdown. I'm the adult here and it's my job to help guide and teach my son, not his job to keep me calm. My insistence that he do as I say every single time is certainly not teaching him flexibility, and we both experience a closer relationship by figuring out solutions together. I have remembered that the small stuff really isn't that big of a deal, and I have come to terms with my position as the parent of a special needs child.
Is this a magical cure all? Of course not. But it is a very helpful starting point and can offer some needed insight into the inner workings of your child. We have seen a drastic reduction in the number of serious conflicts we experience and our relationship is so much better. A few months ago this scenario seemed like a distant and vague dream.
For those who say that "giving in" is no solution, I would say that for typical children you're probably right. I parent my 4 year old in a traditional manner and it works quite well for him. But most parents of spectrum and sensory sensitive children understand that their thresholds and processing are quite different and can benefit from some accommodations. This book clearly lays out suggestions of what those accommodations should be and how to go about them."
~ Written on 2008-11-20

"Although designed specifically for parents and caretakers of chronically frustrated/explosive children, this book contains guidance that works for all children. The basic theory put forth by the author is that children do well when they can, children inherently do want to do well, and that children explode when they can't effectively deal with a given situation. It's explained in simple, everyday language without talking down to the reader. Labels are avoided for the most part, because a label isn't going to fix a problem. It only informs the school staff that there is a problem.
The book discusses the 2 most well known parenting styles, laissez-faire and authoritarian and explains how to combine the two to get an effective parenting tool that not only helps you parent your child but gives the child the tools they need to succeed in life.
I found it validating (I'm not the only crazy parent who TALKS her kids through problems?) and made my authoritarian-leaning husband read it,too. It's not an easy way to deal with kids, but it is definitely easier than dealing with an explosion! And infinitely better than trying to fix a problem years later. "
~ Written on 2008-11-07

"This is an awesome book. I would recomend that anyone that has a child or adult that has an anger problem read this book! I even got a copy for our local library!"
~ Written on 2008-08-31

"I was very disappointed in this book. There was never any clear discussion of what symptoms or characteristics one might use to classify their child as "explosive" other than one who throws a lot of violoent fits. But there is a big difference between a "difficult" kid and one who is emotionally incapable of controlling him- or herself.

Also, the book devolves quickly into doc-speak, bandying terms like "separation of affect," "working memory" and "shifting cognitive set" which had me seeing stars. It's almost like you need to be a psychologist to even begin to understand what the author is talking about.

From the ratings, it appears that many others have found this book to be helpful. But it left me frustrated and confused. "
~ Written on 2008-08-24

"Dr. Greene does a superb job of describing the temperamentally stressed child. He lets the reader know that the explosive child is wired in such a way that life stresses him/her easily and strategies to help don't come easily.

As the adults, be we parents or caretakers, we need to realize that children don't spend their days pondering how to make our lives miserable. These children are miserable and looking to us to teach them strategies to feel better.

Dr. Greene's book builds on the books on temperament such as "The Difficult Child" and "Raising Your Spiritual Child". He gives us a deeper understanding of the emotional consequences of temperamental mismatch. He then also has a program to help us help our children to become the boss of their emotions.

If one hasn't seen one of his workshops, I would also recommend you go. Hearing is definitely another way of absorbing the intent and knowledge that he offers."
~ Written on 2008-07-26