Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

"I am in my mid 20's and found out that my husband had a 4 month affair in which his lover supposedly became pregnant with his child but ended up having an abortion. I found out about the whole thing 5 months later when her husband tracked me down at work to tell me. Let me just say that I was more than shocked. I plowed through all the chapters of this book (with exception of the forgiveness section...I am just not ready to read that yet). I am an avid reader and I found this easy to read. Many of the situations apply to people that have been married for quite a while and are older but the author did cover many types of affairs, reactions, emotions, etc that would apply to anyone wounded by any type of extra-maritial relationship. My husband (the cheater) has been slower to read it but does like how the book uses stories and facts and ties them together well. It hasn't replaced therapy (couples and individual for him) but it was a good jumping off point in terms of my sanity. "
~ Written on 2008-11-25

"Unfortunately, I have to say this book amazingly accurate, I'd compare it to my journal if ever I had written one. Sometimes its funny, sometimes its nice to know Im not the only one, and sometimes I feel as if Dr. Glass were spying on me, too close for comfort. Its definitely a book I'd recommend whether you've had relationship problems or not, its a book everyone needs to read. "
~ Written on 2008-10-19

"I bought this book because my life partner stated repeatedly that the OP and he were "just friends." I wanted to believe him so I kept ignoring all the signs that Dr. Glass discusses. Dr. Glass was relevant and insightful. The book is 425 pages but is a read quick. Before I discovered that my life partner was having an affair and that my best girl friend's husband was having an affair, I had no idea how rampant infidelity is. "Good people in good marriages are having affairs." Its amazing how our society condones the easy thing ---an affair. I wished that I would have known about "safe friendships" before all this happened. Dr. Glass does not have time to talk about recovering and healing adequately on your own. However, Dr. Glass does have other books that would probably be helpful. Her chapter regarding questions to ask after affair will be helpful once I am able to communicate with unfaithful one. "
~ Written on 2008-10-05

"I never thought this would be me needing a book like this. My husband is not "the type" to have an affair, but he did. It blew my world apart. This book helped explain why it happened, how it was not because we had a bad marriage, how to recover, and it validated all the feelings and thoughts I was having. This book is truly amazing. Glass really left a gift for so many people in writing this book. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED and SO HELPFUL. "
~ Written on 2008-07-12

"I just finished this book and what a Godsend. I found out my husband was having an emotional affair on March 31st of this year. An old high school girlfriend Googled him and they'd been talking for six months. He saw her in Feb. when he went to visit his brother for an ice fishing trip and they were planning on meeting in April for "more". About a month after he started talking to her I noticed he was distant, but thought it was because we'd just celebrated our 20th anniversary and things were getting old. Little did I know "she" entered the picture. On Jan. 1st I suspected he had a gf, but he called me crazy and paranoid. After reading this book so many things made sense and I was able to make sense of the mess my marriage had become.

He claimed he never intended for things to get out of hand and they were "just friends"at first. He told her we were having problems and he put up a wall between us and opened the window for her (this is in the book). My H has always had such strong morals and good character. He badmouthed everyone we have ever known to cheat, but here he turned around and did the very same thing. Of all people I TRULY never thought he would do this.

The only problem I had with the book is that the affair partner is talked about as being a single woman. In my case the other woman is married and has kids the same age as mine. She didn't plan on leaving her husband until her youngest was in college (in 5 years). She was ok with my husband meeting her 3 or 4 times per year until then. This woman is also a churchgoer, provides daycare in her home, prepares peoples taxes, lives in small town MN, was a soccer-mom, etc. I'm guessing she was bored and needed some excitement. Too bad she didn't realize that my husband made things sound so wonderful on the phone and online. Maybe if they lived with each other they would have realized that life is much more than what we can make the other believe.

My husband and I are trying to get our marriage back on track, but it's so hard because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. From reading the book I understand this is natural for the betraying partner, but I need to talk and figure this stuff out. I asked my husband this week to read two of the last few chapters hoping he will understand my point. How am I to have compassion for him, as discussed in the book, if he doesn't have much for me?"
~ Written on 2008-06-28