Her Last Death: A Memoir

"I've thought about this book for days since I finished it. It's not happy or pleasant. It's disturbing, sort of like watching a car accident about to happen; you can't turn your head and look away.

Sonnenberg's mother was divorced, rich New York socialite who was obviously manic. She lied pathologically, was addicted to Demerol, snorted mountains of cocaine, and was obsessed with sex. She introduced Susanna to cocaine at 12, and gave her a warped understanding of sex.

The book has lots and lots of sex in it, for which some Amazon reviewers have criticized it. But there's nothing erotic about it, and I don't think she intended it to be sensationalist. Because her mother was such a liar, Susanna becomes brutally honest; honest to a fault, and she's just explaining what happened. For a time she could only relate to other people through sex, and her self worth was defined by sex.

Susanna, who in psychobabble terms was codependent, eventually starts to understand what a horror her mother is and how it has affected her. She works hard to get past those demons. She doesn't do the victim thing, and there's no epiphany or grand redemption, just a slow understanding of what's important in life as she gets older.

I listened to the audio CD of this book. It is read by the author. She writes beautifully, but having her read it really adds to it. And there's certainly never a dull moment.

As a memoir of a tragic youth, I thought this vastly better than Wall's The Glass Castle, which I did not find credible.
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~ Written on 2008-11-17

"Her Last Death is one of the best memoirs I've read in recent memory. It's not necessarily the most outrageous or exotic, but it manages to tread the line between description and emotion without veering too far into either one. Despite the fact that the book is about the relationship between (volatile) mother and daughter -- a relationship that is rife with complications under the best of circumstances -- it seems familiar, even in its most extreme.

This is the story of growing up and living with someone who seems unable to fully grab onto reality with both hands and the toll it can exact on everyone involved."
~ Written on 2008-10-15

"I met Susanna when I took a writing workshop from her in Montana. She's one of the most kind and generous women I have had the pleasure of meeting. I immediately bought her book and read it through in just a couple of days, which means I could not put it down. Many times people who write memoirs do so because they look back on a life that was very unusual and understand how it helped shape their thinking and decision making, sometimes to their own undoing. They know they have changed and wonder if their experience may help someone else. People who read memoirs are curious, sometimes because they have gone through similar experiences and sometimes because they haven't. Unfortunately, there are those in the latter category who read a memoir and than pass judgment on what they've read. They judge the writer.

This makes me wonder. What would a memoir be if the writer decided to write about only the things they thought would not offend, or the mistakes they think will be the easiest to stomach. That would be the opposite of what happened in James Frey's book, "A Million Little Pieces." He exaggerated some of his history, but his book still touched many lives and because of that, has value. Susanna has amazing courage and gave me inspiration to be able to tell my own story without the fear of judgment which would be sure to come. Her life is amazing and the fact that she is successful in career, marriage, and motherhood at such a young age after all she went through is truly remarkable to this reader."
~ Written on 2008-10-13

"This was a difficult book to read. I am not saying its was a bad book it kept interest pretty much throughout. I am not saying this woman was not abused, in some ways yes, but I do not think it warrented a book about it.

the majority of the time the author basked in money, expensive clothes, vactions abroad, and money at her disposal. I am not saying money made it alright, it did not but it takes the sting out of it and there were times when her Mother was kind and decent and cared, she had emotional problems but throughout I never doubted she loved her children very much and gave them pretty much the best money could buy, and yes money does help.

My good friend was a abused beaten child and it was much much more horrific than this sugar-coated book. Her father beat her black and blue with the belt and her three younger siblings, he did NOT drink it was his real true personna he did this cold sober. He locked the kids in closests for hours, even one time in the trunk of a car, he would take them to a dark deserted field and tell them to "get out" because they had done something bad that day {normal kids antic's nothing terrible} he would call them horrible names, chase them around hitting them swearing and worst of all he would, and I will descibe this slowly, make the four kids kneel on their knees on hardwood floor with their arms extended out for an hour, if they lowered there arms they would get backhanded in the face! Back in the 1970's noone cared, it was like "disipline your children as you see fit" neighbors would see the children getting chased around the front yard and never called the police, they were on their own. The mother tried to protect, he never hit her, but failed he was so mean nasty rotten evil noone could stop him, he never sexually abused them, thank God, thats one good thing, but the emotional physical and mental abuse have hurt these kids throughout life, damaged jobs and relationships and has brought on panic attacks, depression and anxiety, this man was truly evil, he is still alive, the mother died young, and is STILL at it, never missing the opportunity to verbally abuse and yell, they avoid him all they can and hate him to this day.

They did NOT have money growing up, lower middle-class, no nice clothes, no expensive vacations, no wonderful caring grandparents who intervened and helped, etc.... they were abused poor and it was terrible, hellish.

My point is other people have had it way harder than this author, she had money and lots of it and yes it takes away the sting, not all together I agree, but it made it easier, just to "fly away to france" or the bahamas when things got bad with the mother and I felt she never actually beat the kids bloody, they survived and they did it rich and had other options. The family I described had no other options, poor and beatup is a horrible childhood, and the fact the father did this cold-sober and did not take drugs makes it worse, it was real, not alcholism related and there were not "presents and disney world vactions" to take away the sting, just more abuse and hatred and to this day it continues, through they are adult and can stay away, I pray one day these children can heal and recover, but his hatred lives on as he lives on at age 70.

NO abuse is good and I am not saying this author had it great because she was so rich, I am saying it took away some of the sting and allowed them more options to leave. No matter how you look at it, money DOES help in everyway, its alot better to have money than not and in this case it helped. I am sorry the author suffered through I don't feel she suffered that badly, and as you read above others suffer SO much more. It turned out good for her good husband, beautiful baby, trust fund, money etc.. she will survive. Perhaps my friend should write a book about her hellish childhood and make lots of money like the author, at least her cries would be serious. The book is good, a good read, but life was not as awful as it seemed for her. Perhaps abused poor children should NOT read it, it makes their situations so much worse being poor."
~ Written on 2008-10-06

"In HER LAST DEATH, Susanna Sonnenberg achieves what I believe the very best memoirs can accomplish. She paints a vivid, living picture, not just of a life but of her relationship with her manic but unbalanced mother, and she does so with prejudice and personal perspective. Memoir is not autobiography; at its very best, the genre tells us not the facts and objective observation of the events. Memoir takes us into the heart of the author's experience, and it is its very subjectivity that gives it power. HER LAST DEATH brings the reader into Sonnenberg's internal world, a tumultuous place where both a mother's love and her sanity are always in question.

Sonnenberg doesn't flinch from the light when it comes to examining her own stumbles and weaknesses, and when an understanding of her troubled mother's psyche eludes her, as it often does, the author doesn't engage in conjecture or armchair psychoanalysis. Instead, she allows us to experience this inexplicable world with her, and in the end, we are left not so much with a sense of who her mysterious mother might have been, but rather whom the author has ultimately become.

In the course of facing a difficult past and its ramifications for her future, Susanna Sonnenberg has shown herself to be an extremely talented writer, and I eagerly await more from her."
~ Written on 2008-09-26