Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
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By: David A. Stoop and James Masteller
Format: Paperback
From: Servant Publications
Pub. Date: December 2003
From: Servant Publications
Pub. Date: December 2003
Product Details:
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2004-01
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 370
Ean: 9780830734238
Isbn: 0830734236
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2004-01
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 370
Ean: 9780830734238
Isbn: 0830734236
ABOUT THE BOOK
EDITORIAL REVIEW
Now with a twenty-page study guide. Many people have been helped by this valuable book, first published five years ago, which addresses those of us who desperately want to change but can't stop behaving in ways that hurt us and those we love. The authors assure us that we can change these hurtful patterns. Drs. Stoop and Masteller believe you can move beyond failure to forgiveness, cancelling the indebtedness of those who have hurt you. But before you can begin the process of forgiveness, you need to understand the roots of your pain, through exploring the family patterns that perpetuate dysfunction. When you understand your family of origin, you will be able to take the essential step of forgiveness.
USER REVIEWS
"Dr. David Stoop speaks in terms that may resonate with engineering-types.
He describes families in a systems approach using language such as "homeostasis", "action-reaction", and "non-linear systems".
As an example, we cannot react to a family problem/dysfunction in an "action-reaction" or "linear" manner. We must realize that each member plays a distinct role, essential for maintaining the homeostasis (i.e., thermostat) of the family system. Thus, each role must be examined prior to formulating a conclusion about the problem. He and James Masteller contribute many examples that support this hypothesis.
This book is essential if you are dealing with any type of emotional malady--depression, anxiety, anger, bitterness, stress, etc. Chances are likely that these maladies have found root through a family dysfunction that may have occurred years ago!
The workbook found in the book's epilogue is practical if one is *serious* about dealing with a dysfunction."
~ Written on 2002-01-09
He describes families in a systems approach using language such as "homeostasis", "action-reaction", and "non-linear systems".
As an example, we cannot react to a family problem/dysfunction in an "action-reaction" or "linear" manner. We must realize that each member plays a distinct role, essential for maintaining the homeostasis (i.e., thermostat) of the family system. Thus, each role must be examined prior to formulating a conclusion about the problem. He and James Masteller contribute many examples that support this hypothesis.
This book is essential if you are dealing with any type of emotional malady--depression, anxiety, anger, bitterness, stress, etc. Chances are likely that these maladies have found root through a family dysfunction that may have occurred years ago!
The workbook found in the book's epilogue is practical if one is *serious* about dealing with a dysfunction."
~ Written on 2002-01-09
"I thought this book just tread the same path as John Bradshaw (whom he quotes) with a few biblical examples thrown in. I didn't find anything in this book that I hadn't seen before."
~ Written on 2001-05-14
~ Written on 2001-05-14
"I always thought I was the one in the family who was *not* in denial - the one who called things as they saw them, but this book showed me that I too, had been in denial.
I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.
And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.
After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.
Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.
First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again."
~ Written on 2000-05-12
I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.
And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.
After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.
Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.
First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again."
~ Written on 2000-05-12
"I always thought I was the one in the family who was *not* in denial - the one who called things as they saw them, but this book showed me that I too, had been in denial.
I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.
And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.
After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.
Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.
First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again."
~ Written on 2000-05-10
I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.
And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.
After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.
Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.
First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again."
~ Written on 2000-05-10
"I bought this book after reading another by David Stoop and thought this would be helpful with guiding me through forgiveness from a Christian perspective. It was better than I imagined. The first half is back ground information on identifying yourself as an adult child of a dysfunctional family. The second half if the hands-on steps to forgiveness including a clear understanding of the true goal of forgiveness - your own peace of mind. I felt the most helpful thing for readers to know is Dr. Stoop's position on NOT forgetting. Many people have a big road block to forgiving because they don't want to let anyone "get away" with what they've done or they don't want to forget. He explains that forgiveness leading to your own peace of mind is possible without "giving in," without forgetting and without reconciling. I would imagine that non-Christian readers would have difficulty agreeing with much of his Christian based views. Overall, extremely sympathetic and helpful in releasing your demons and getting on with your own happiness."
~ Written on 2000-03-06
~ Written on 2000-03-06