Three Minute Therapy: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

"I read and enjoyed the book, and interviewed Dr. Edelstein on my podcast "The Joey Panto Show" earlier this year, you may listen free on [...].

Three Minute Therapy is based on REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) developed by Dr. Albert Ellis, and advanced in practice and in this book by Dr. Edelstein in a very understandable way (see also [...]).

Dr. Edelstein rightfully puts the responsibility for irrational behavior on the person doing it. Then he gives the person responsibility and tools for identifying and eradicating the irrational beliefs behind the behavior, thereby making it much easier to eliminate the bad behavior altogether.

Each chapter addresses a different type of destructive behavior: volatile relationships, addiction, irrational fears, etc, but all use the same investigative and therapeutic technique: identifying irrational beliefs, which are nearly always based in "Must" or "Should" beliefs. There are 3 main types of "musty" beliefs:

"Must" #1, demands on oneself
"Must" #2, demands on other people
"Must" #3, demands on the situation (or on the Universe)

Then he presents a 6 step process for identifying and replacing the irrational thinking with rational thinking:

Example: Mary is obsessively angry because she is not admired by men she thinks should admire her. ABCDEF steps are presented for developing a 3 minute routine for eliminating the anger:

A. (Activating event): Jake doesn't admire me.
B. (irrational Belief): Jake MUST admire me.
C. (emotional Consequences): Anger.
D. (Disputing) or questioning your "must," and involves asking "Why?" or "What's the evidence for my MUST?" Or in our example, "Why MUST Jake admire me?"
E. (Effective new thinking): I prefer that Jake admire me, but I can survive quite well if he doesn't.
F. (new Feeling): regret or disappointment, but no anger.

Dr. Edelstein shows how this technique works to eliminate many behaviors, as long as the exercises are done regularly.

What I like best about the therapy is the self-responsible philosophy behind it. Freud's therapy was more based on blaming others for your bad behavior and learning to forgive them to get better. Still other popular thinking like Moral Relativism and Emotionalism ("I'm angry or sad, therefore I must be right") shift blame from ourselves and the real issues at hand to others or irrelevant issues.

Three Minute Therapy does a great service by being more focused on changing the underlying irrational beliefs and taking responsibility for the emotions and behavior that result from beliefs. I found it very insightful to apply this analysis to my own life and understand the role that thinking and rationalizing has in creating healthy and manageable emotions and behaviors.
"
~ Written on 2008-09-18

"This book is just what I wanted. Not a lot of re-hashing of the past, just a succinct description of common thought patterns that result in depression or pain, and effective exercises that can help. Dr. Edelstein is clear and concise with both his description of how our thinking contributes to our problems and what to do about it.

I also appreciated the perspective on 12 step programs. Interesting to say the least and worth considering.

I have found TMT helpful and effective in identifying some of my 'musty' thinking and alleviating the misery I cause myself.

I like this book and how it is written. It now has a home in the 'keep always and refer to often' section of our bookshelf. I recommend it.
"
~ Written on 2008-09-06

"I do use the basic ideas of this book (and this type of therapy)in my therapy groups for a partial hospitalization program with a major mental health provider. Are they useful? Yes. But I feel strongly that these techniques MUST be adapted for that population. These types of books were written (and REBT was invented)for people without genuine mental disorders and/or mental illnesses. This kind of therapy was originally designed for people who had minor adjustment problems. It will not cure major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, etc. (This REALLY needs to made more clear in the chapter on depression, especially!!)Severe and persistent mental illnesses cannot be "reasoned away", or the symptoms "controlled" by labelling them irrational. Only ONE thing will do that-- psychiatric medications.

That being said, these techniques are very useful and I do teach them. Medications are absolutely necessary and no improvement will take place without them. That's all there is to it. However, the question is how we help the person with the SPMI to cope with life after the meds have done all they can do. That's where REBT comes in. But it's so important to understand that it's NOT the first line of defense in this situation. "
~ Written on 2008-07-05

"most (troubled) people think that what happens to them in the world (things that they have little control over), determines whether they will be miserable or not. this book teaches you, in a magnificent manner, that what determines your happiness or misery, to a GREAT degree, is NOT what happens to you, but how you think about these events. And, here, the individual has great control, thanks to Edelstein. Read this book, do its homework assignments (heck, they only take 3 minutes!) and banish 95% of your unhappiness."
~ Written on 2007-07-09

"I have a friend in the UK who had a long history of trouble making important decisions, and then endlessly reconsidering them afterwards for fear he'd made a bad choice. Various attempts at treatment hadn't helped.
After learning about Three Minute Therapy, I purchased a copy for myself and one for him.

At the time, my friend was finding it extremely difficult to function and very depressed, as they'd been going through an intensely esteem-crushing, massively bureaucratic re-organization at their work. There was no certainty they'd even remain employed, though they occupied a position with a significant amount of responsibility, and had to apply for various possible new positions, while competing against co-workers and colleagues.

After three weeks of using Three Minute Therapy and its exercises, he sent me an email that read:

"It confirmed my resolve to stay in the field I'm in now.
That is if I have a job! Starting to feel anxious
again as apparently we will hear tomorrow if we've
been slotted in or not. But am doing the 3 minute
therapy and not feeling half as bad as before - mildly
anxious but not depressed and low. Need to get on some
more with my Norwich application this evening if I'm
not too knackered".

It isn't often that a book can make such a fundamental and genuine contribution to changing someone's life for the better, much less with such a clear effect. Thought the dust-jacket color scheme may be one of the least attractive I've encountered, it's one of the very most valuable gifts I've ever bought for a friend."
~ Written on 2007-06-21