Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children

"At last a book that does not make parents feel worse than we already feel. Even if we tell ourselves that my child made the choice to become a user, we still harbor guilt inside of us. There are many people, books, and so-called experts who will find blame with the parents. The physical symptoms of palpitations, headaches, anxiety, panic attacks, high blood pressure, stomach disorders, etc., can all manifest themselves in us who are at such a high stress level. One can divorce a spouse, be estranged from family members, discontinue unhealthy relationships, but how do you draw healthy boundaries with your self-centered addicted child? Unless you are one of us, I think you will probably never understand. Thank you Charles Rubin for writing this book, I constantly turn to it for reassurance and guidance. "
~ Written on 2008-10-12

"My husband and I have been dealing with two teen aged sons (now 21 and 17) who are both drug addicts.

Over the course of five years our sons have become progressively more addicted (primarily to marijuana...all day, every day) and abusive to me and my husband. It started with never doing homework, then skipping school...dropping out...a few visits to the emergency room...minor skuffles with the law and, for the older son, a 3 month jail sentence.

We are typical hard working, present and anxious parents and it took us a few years (and this book) to accept that our sons had lost their concern for our feelings and well being. The abuse began with them stealing from us..then, while we were at work, they would gather with their drug addicted friends all day in our home and generally destroy our house and our peace of mind...they lied without compunction and successfully manipulated us into doing what they wanted.

We responded with counselling, lectures, assistance, enrolling them in differenct schools, finding them jobs, chauffering them all over town and generally waiting for them to change...come to their senses.

They did not change and we were wrong. We had become prisoners in our own home and we didn't know how to escape.

This book helped us regain our lives. Upon reading this book we discovered that other parents had gone through the EXACT same misery we were suffering. We learned from this book that we had to get rid of our expectations...and to deal with the reality. Out boys were addicts. No amount of encouragement, love, lecturing or pleading was going to change that...and we had to stop the abuse.

Gleaning from the book a few methods by which to assert our rights (I wish there were more), we slowly began the process of trying to regain some control over our home.

For example, we recently installed an alarm system in our house and our 17 year old now must leave with us in the morning and stay out of the house until we return in the evening. I read this as I write, and it sounds extreme; but for the first time in years I am not afraid of what I will find when I get home from work. Broken furniture, drug paraphernalia, stolen jewelry, general destruction.

We can breathe. And, our son has realized there are limits.

I highly recommend this book for any parent dealing with a teen aged child who has become abusive because of drug use. It will not cure the addiction, but it can help one recognize abuse...even from a beloved child...and the necessity to stop the abuse.

I do wish there was a sequel, though, to show me the happy ending....
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~ Written on 2008-10-06

"Having lived with this in my family since I was about 17 having a younger sister who is an addict/alcoholic I am deeply grateful for the author capturing every subtle and not so subtle dynamic of what occurs when a family member becomes an addict. Back in the day I couldn't find anything on the topic that was this well written and now that my mother has died (and the addict lives on) I find it helpful in processing what I have been through being the "normal" kid in the family. Excellent, excellent book and a lifesaver for those parents out there trying to rescue their children. I remember distinctly when my sister (as well as friends) made the choice to step out of being in relationship that required honesty, commitment, accountability into one of addiction and with that came a war on our lives. I am a survivor and applaud this survivor's well written book. "
~ Written on 2008-09-15

"This book is written for the everyday common person struggling with a family member, specifically kids, with addiction. While it was written regarding children it can be applied to any family member. I bought this for another family member who has a child with an addiction but found there were many tools for me to use in the situation. I would highly recommend it for those who are ready to change the way they relate to their children with addictions."
~ Written on 2008-07-23

"This is the most helpful book I have read - ever. I had been driven to my knees by an addicted child, and this book was a literal life saver.

This book gave me the tools needed to protect myself and my family, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I got ideas on how to change myself in positive ways, and my improved behavior in turn was an asset to the addict in the family.

The book is a quick and easy read. It gives information on expectations, setting boundaries, overindulging our kids, detaching from an addict, and dealing with the interference from others. There is also a section on where to get additional support and help.

I carry this book with me and refer to it periodically. I recommend it highly.
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~ Written on 2008-06-30