Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder
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By: Gina Pera
Format: Paperback
From: 1201 Alarm Press
Pub. Date: July 2008
From: 1201 Alarm Press
Pub. Date: July 2008
Product Details:
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2008-08-31
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 384
Ean: 9780981548708
Isbn: 0981548709
Catalog: Book
Release Date: 2008-08-31
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 384
Ean: 9780981548708
Isbn: 0981548709
ABOUT THE BOOK
EDITORIAL REVIEW
The science has been clear since 1994, when Adult AD/HD was declared a medical diagnosis. Still, the public harbors misconceptions, and that means millions suffer needlessly. And that includes millions of couples who can't understand why their lives together are so hard -- sometimes despite many attempts at couples therapy.
Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD. Yet we misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, selfishness, or moodiness. Moreover, we assume AD/HD means "little boys with ants in their pants." In fact, childhood hyperactivity goes "underground" as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state. (By the way, the former, and still better-known, official term is ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity. The new term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not central to the diagnosis.)
Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people--and a joyous opportunity for a better life.
Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.
--Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
... contains information that is just not available anywhere else. This book is sure to become the authoritative guide for couples dealing with ADD.
--Patricia O. Quinn, M.D., Director, The National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD
...We expect this book will be the bible for all of us dealing with adult ADD.
-- Elizabeth Weathers and Diane Hartson, moderators, ADD Spouse support group
... I can safely predict it will become as much an 'industry standard' as Driven to Distraction.
--David Edelberg, M.D., Medical Director, WholeHealth Chicago
... The book is well researched, reader friendly, and includes insights and perspectives from a Who's Who of professionals. For couples struggling with ADHD, it's the season's new must-have book and bound to become a classic.
--Michele Novotni, Ph.D. Psychologist, Coach
Confirmatory brain neuroscience answers this speculation about Adult ADHD: It s a real problem with real and painful challenges, not a belief system.
-- Charles Parker, DO, Medical Director, CorePsych, author of Deep Recovery
... Gina Pera has combined a real feel for the disorder with sound reporting skills and the spice of those who tell the story best: the couples themselves.
-- Margaret D. Weiss, M.D., Ph.D., Head, Provincial ADHD Program, British Columbia, Canada
... Gina Pera has been there and has authored a guide that offers understanding for the confused, practical strategies for the frustrated, and hope for the despondent. This book will be a lifesaver for both partners.
-- Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., M.B.A., author of Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD
Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD. Yet we misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, selfishness, or moodiness. Moreover, we assume AD/HD means "little boys with ants in their pants." In fact, childhood hyperactivity goes "underground" as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state. (By the way, the former, and still better-known, official term is ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity. The new term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not central to the diagnosis.)
Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people--and a joyous opportunity for a better life.
Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.
--Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
... contains information that is just not available anywhere else. This book is sure to become the authoritative guide for couples dealing with ADD.
--Patricia O. Quinn, M.D., Director, The National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD
...We expect this book will be the bible for all of us dealing with adult ADD.
-- Elizabeth Weathers and Diane Hartson, moderators, ADD Spouse support group
... I can safely predict it will become as much an 'industry standard' as Driven to Distraction.
--David Edelberg, M.D., Medical Director, WholeHealth Chicago
... The book is well researched, reader friendly, and includes insights and perspectives from a Who's Who of professionals. For couples struggling with ADHD, it's the season's new must-have book and bound to become a classic.
--Michele Novotni, Ph.D. Psychologist, Coach
Confirmatory brain neuroscience answers this speculation about Adult ADHD: It s a real problem with real and painful challenges, not a belief system.
-- Charles Parker, DO, Medical Director, CorePsych, author of Deep Recovery
... Gina Pera has combined a real feel for the disorder with sound reporting skills and the spice of those who tell the story best: the couples themselves.
-- Margaret D. Weiss, M.D., Ph.D., Head, Provincial ADHD Program, British Columbia, Canada
... Gina Pera has been there and has authored a guide that offers understanding for the confused, practical strategies for the frustrated, and hope for the despondent. This book will be a lifesaver for both partners.
-- Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., M.B.A., author of Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD
USER REVIEWS
". . . I firmly believe that Gina Pera's book will be immensely helpful to people who live with someone with AD/HD. Be it how to deal with denial, identify symptoms, or devise coping strategies for relationships in trouble, this book offers wise counsel and an abundance of practical strategies from couples who live with an invisible "third partner"--Attention Deficit Disorder.
I speak as someone in such a relationship. On page after page, I read my own story in the words of others, continually whacking my forehead in recognition as I recalled yesterday's, last week's, last year's loss of marital equilibrium riding the wild AD/HD roller coaster with my long-suffering partner.
I know that I'll be turning to Ms. Pera's book again and again for its exhaustive lists of resources and references alone. But the most important, most valuable single thing it offers to the adult who has AD/HD is validation--the reassurance that they are not lazy, crazy, or stupid. This book shows that the condition is serious but needn't be crippling to a relationship, and that effective coping strategies exist for couples who are willing to seek them.
"
~ Written on 2008-11-12
I speak as someone in such a relationship. On page after page, I read my own story in the words of others, continually whacking my forehead in recognition as I recalled yesterday's, last week's, last year's loss of marital equilibrium riding the wild AD/HD roller coaster with my long-suffering partner.
I know that I'll be turning to Ms. Pera's book again and again for its exhaustive lists of resources and references alone. But the most important, most valuable single thing it offers to the adult who has AD/HD is validation--the reassurance that they are not lazy, crazy, or stupid. This book shows that the condition is serious but needn't be crippling to a relationship, and that effective coping strategies exist for couples who are willing to seek them.
"
~ Written on 2008-11-12
"I recalled the shock of recognition and thrill of a first encounter with the unadulterated truth that I had when I read "Our Bodies, Ourselves" as a thirteen year old girl, as I read "Is it You, Me or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera.
As a 43 year old women with ADD who was married to a man with untreated ADD, the book rang so true and touched upon so many of our struggles that it was, at times, disorienting to read them detailed in the pages of a book written by an author who did not know my story. Often, I could only read a few pages before needing to take a break and let the enormity of the suffering and needless pain that ADHD causes in adult relationships to sink in.
For too many of us, the real tragedy comes from having seen expert couple therapists for years desperately trying to make our relationships work, while the good will, intimacy and benefit of the doubt was drained out of the marriage as each new round of therapy failed, all the while, never being offered the information provided in this book that could have put us on the path to understanding.
Gina Pera lays out the necessary truth about the impact of adult ADD on relationships and provides a framework to view the issues not as insurmountable, but rather as typical for our population and, in fact, manageable with the right treatment for ADD.
I urge all couples with children who have AD/HD to read this book. Because research tells us that this disorder is genetic, you and your partner may be affected by AD/HD without knowing it and your relationship may be needlessly imperiled. You may save your marriage by discovering how ADD plays itself out in relationships and learning how to address those issues in your own home.
This book provides clear descriptions of the classic dynamics that often underlie the interactions of adults with AD/HD and concrete strategies to preserve the respect and love that you have for your partner while working to make the relationship fulfilling for both of you.
I am in awe of Gina Pera's writing and her ability to harness what looks and sometimes felt like unrelated, distressing events into a cogent, comprehensive portrait that depicts in a devastatingly accurate fashion what life and love feels like being married to an adult with ADHD.
Thanks to this book, we, adults with ADD, can understand the emotional consequences of our behavior, accept responsibility for it and work to empathize with and advocate for our children, spouses and, most importantly, ourselves with a clear mind and full heart.
"
~ Written on 2008-10-23
As a 43 year old women with ADD who was married to a man with untreated ADD, the book rang so true and touched upon so many of our struggles that it was, at times, disorienting to read them detailed in the pages of a book written by an author who did not know my story. Often, I could only read a few pages before needing to take a break and let the enormity of the suffering and needless pain that ADHD causes in adult relationships to sink in.
For too many of us, the real tragedy comes from having seen expert couple therapists for years desperately trying to make our relationships work, while the good will, intimacy and benefit of the doubt was drained out of the marriage as each new round of therapy failed, all the while, never being offered the information provided in this book that could have put us on the path to understanding.
Gina Pera lays out the necessary truth about the impact of adult ADD on relationships and provides a framework to view the issues not as insurmountable, but rather as typical for our population and, in fact, manageable with the right treatment for ADD.
I urge all couples with children who have AD/HD to read this book. Because research tells us that this disorder is genetic, you and your partner may be affected by AD/HD without knowing it and your relationship may be needlessly imperiled. You may save your marriage by discovering how ADD plays itself out in relationships and learning how to address those issues in your own home.
This book provides clear descriptions of the classic dynamics that often underlie the interactions of adults with AD/HD and concrete strategies to preserve the respect and love that you have for your partner while working to make the relationship fulfilling for both of you.
I am in awe of Gina Pera's writing and her ability to harness what looks and sometimes felt like unrelated, distressing events into a cogent, comprehensive portrait that depicts in a devastatingly accurate fashion what life and love feels like being married to an adult with ADHD.
Thanks to this book, we, adults with ADD, can understand the emotional consequences of our behavior, accept responsibility for it and work to empathize with and advocate for our children, spouses and, most importantly, ourselves with a clear mind and full heart.
"
~ Written on 2008-10-23
"Thank you Gina Pera!
Finally, a book written for non-ADHD partners. After a long search for reliable information, this book arrived. Most books on the market are written for a person with ADHD, and not chiefly for partners thereof. Maybe there should be more support groups, such as, ADD/ADHD Anonymous available. Dr. Schwartz offers good help online at mentalhelp.net; however, there are some limits. In fact, this is where the author was found.
The book was received today, and there was so much to read AND highlight. The text offers a great "peace of mind," helps one realize the truth, no longer blaming yourself, and helps one comprehend the complexity of their situation. There are stories from lives of others that clarify multiple topics, and also may help project what non-ADHD partners are facing. The best part is the included "Tip Sheets" to help understand, cope, and/or not take the ADHD-bait.
If your partner has ADD/ADHD, whether it is diagnosed or not, this text is highly recommended. Also, as reflected by the diagnosis, some ADHD'ers exhibit strong symptoms of denial, including remorse when others [or their partner] attempts to discuss the illness.
Warning: Anger, and other unnecessary conflicts may occur as a result of having this text or others present. Therefore, if you have been a heavy sufferer, it may be best to put a book cover on this, and keep it to yourself while reading and learning more. Remember that AWARENESS alone can change everything. This book gives you the insight and wisdom to see what you may not have realized, and helps sufferers not to *react* to symptoms, but to recognize them.
Those with the diagnosis may also benefit from this book if they are able to read with an open mind. Often, it can be difficult for anyone to [look in the mirror and] understand how they are affecting those around them. Indeed, this book is good first step for those whom may or may not be diagnosed. It will offer unique insights into that which may be unconsidered. Finally, the roller coaster can be stopped and parked forever.
In closing, we wish the very best to everyone, and send a very special thanks to the author.
"
~ Written on 2008-10-22
Finally, a book written for non-ADHD partners. After a long search for reliable information, this book arrived. Most books on the market are written for a person with ADHD, and not chiefly for partners thereof. Maybe there should be more support groups, such as, ADD/ADHD Anonymous available. Dr. Schwartz offers good help online at mentalhelp.net; however, there are some limits. In fact, this is where the author was found.
The book was received today, and there was so much to read AND highlight. The text offers a great "peace of mind," helps one realize the truth, no longer blaming yourself, and helps one comprehend the complexity of their situation. There are stories from lives of others that clarify multiple topics, and also may help project what non-ADHD partners are facing. The best part is the included "Tip Sheets" to help understand, cope, and/or not take the ADHD-bait.
If your partner has ADD/ADHD, whether it is diagnosed or not, this text is highly recommended. Also, as reflected by the diagnosis, some ADHD'ers exhibit strong symptoms of denial, including remorse when others [or their partner] attempts to discuss the illness.
Warning: Anger, and other unnecessary conflicts may occur as a result of having this text or others present. Therefore, if you have been a heavy sufferer, it may be best to put a book cover on this, and keep it to yourself while reading and learning more. Remember that AWARENESS alone can change everything. This book gives you the insight and wisdom to see what you may not have realized, and helps sufferers not to *react* to symptoms, but to recognize them.
Those with the diagnosis may also benefit from this book if they are able to read with an open mind. Often, it can be difficult for anyone to [look in the mirror and] understand how they are affecting those around them. Indeed, this book is good first step for those whom may or may not be diagnosed. It will offer unique insights into that which may be unconsidered. Finally, the roller coaster can be stopped and parked forever.
In closing, we wish the very best to everyone, and send a very special thanks to the author.
"
~ Written on 2008-10-22
". This is not just another book on ADD (ADHD). It is a really great book on ADD in relationships. Gina writes for the other person - the one without ADD - who lives with someone who has ADD. However, this book is also for people who have ADD.
There is so much meat, so much truth, so much aliveness and consideration in this sharing of the real world, day to day stories of ADD in families and relationships. With tears in my eyes, I found myself reading the book one Sunday morning thinking of people whose lives could be helped and supported by reading this book.
Gina's sheer brilliance and attentiveness to detail combines with an absolutely beautiful clear and entertaining writing style as she shares information and stories illustrating the inside out story. Add to this wonderful writing style - graphs, tools, strategies and this book becomes an incredible value.
When I got to the chapter on "Biological Denial," I was shouting out loud to the universe, "Yes! YES!" In this chapter she explores the distinction between denial and having low-insight or an inability to self-observe. The well-worn and sometimes pejorative psychological term - denial - is used to describe the repression of observations and perceptions in order to avoid unwanted thoughts and memories from emerging. Is this, however, the right term to apply to some folks who just don't seem to get it?
Gina refers to the research of clinical psychologist, Xavier Amador, professor at Columbia University and former director of research at the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. The work of Amador and his colleagues has helped to explain that certain conditions like bipolar disorder, substance use disorder and ADHD, which affect the frontal lobes, may be accompanied by anosognosia - a clinical term for the inability to see any problem or to accurately see one's symptoms. Conditions affecting the frontal lobe can inhibit accurate self-observation. The sum total - "Yes, your ADD partner, child or boss, might not really see him or herself clearly."
Gina doesn't leave us hanging somewhere between denial and impaired self-observation. She goes on to explore how to begin a conversation with someone who is, perhaps, clearly not seeing things or not seeing things as clearly as you might hope. She writes with absolute respect and understanding about having ADD. Trust me, if you live with someone who has ADD or if you have ADD, you will find this book a supportive insightful read. I know it will be infinitely helpful for friends and associates of mine who live and work with individuals and families who have Asperger's Disorder, as well.
I say to Gina, "Thank you! Job well done."
Linda Anderson, M.A., Master Certified Coach, Past President, ADDA
"
~ Written on 2008-10-09
There is so much meat, so much truth, so much aliveness and consideration in this sharing of the real world, day to day stories of ADD in families and relationships. With tears in my eyes, I found myself reading the book one Sunday morning thinking of people whose lives could be helped and supported by reading this book.
Gina's sheer brilliance and attentiveness to detail combines with an absolutely beautiful clear and entertaining writing style as she shares information and stories illustrating the inside out story. Add to this wonderful writing style - graphs, tools, strategies and this book becomes an incredible value.
When I got to the chapter on "Biological Denial," I was shouting out loud to the universe, "Yes! YES!" In this chapter she explores the distinction between denial and having low-insight or an inability to self-observe. The well-worn and sometimes pejorative psychological term - denial - is used to describe the repression of observations and perceptions in order to avoid unwanted thoughts and memories from emerging. Is this, however, the right term to apply to some folks who just don't seem to get it?
Gina refers to the research of clinical psychologist, Xavier Amador, professor at Columbia University and former director of research at the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. The work of Amador and his colleagues has helped to explain that certain conditions like bipolar disorder, substance use disorder and ADHD, which affect the frontal lobes, may be accompanied by anosognosia - a clinical term for the inability to see any problem or to accurately see one's symptoms. Conditions affecting the frontal lobe can inhibit accurate self-observation. The sum total - "Yes, your ADD partner, child or boss, might not really see him or herself clearly."
Gina doesn't leave us hanging somewhere between denial and impaired self-observation. She goes on to explore how to begin a conversation with someone who is, perhaps, clearly not seeing things or not seeing things as clearly as you might hope. She writes with absolute respect and understanding about having ADD. Trust me, if you live with someone who has ADD or if you have ADD, you will find this book a supportive insightful read. I know it will be infinitely helpful for friends and associates of mine who live and work with individuals and families who have Asperger's Disorder, as well.
I say to Gina, "Thank you! Job well done."
Linda Anderson, M.A., Master Certified Coach, Past President, ADDA
"
~ Written on 2008-10-09
"Thank you to Gina Pera for writing such a wonderful book. Pera's book has been a life preserver in the rough waters of a marital relationship impaacted by ADD. Her perspective and insights have enabled us to take some important, healing steps forward. I strongly recommend this book to couples impacted by ADD. I've never written a review before for Amazon but have been so moved by this book, I wanted to make sure others knew how great this book is."
~ Written on 2008-10-04
~ Written on 2008-10-04