The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the Four Key Causes of Depression and Aggression

"IMS: Irritable Male Syndrome. Yes, more and more men are suffering from this condition it seems. Diamond traces the supposed underlying causes, including shifts in hormonal levels that affect mood and outlook. It is of course not surprising that age, diet, and lifestyle play a significant role in hormonal levels. Nor is it surprising that sudden shifts of hormone levels take place during times of acute stress.

For years psychologists have done just this sort of thing, namely conduct massive, year-old studies, utilizing thousands of dollars of research and grant money to conclude such obvious truisms as finding a compatible lover is difficult (an actual study conducted over three years using college interns who did "field assignments" at local clubs and bars). Yes, and indeed, when you're under stress, your hormones, you know, fluctuate and change. What a surprise.

So now, Diamond has taken a truism and given it this name IMS. It almost sounds like some feminist joke. I can almost see Pfizer running adds on TV. You can envision this: a man in his late forties comes come from a hard days work, is greeted by his wife who yells downstairs to him if he picked up the loath of bread and mild for the kids. Little Tommy didn't put his toys away and they litter the entire living room floor. The family dog comes running over to him barking, the leach in his mouth. He hasn't taken off his coat yet, and his wet umbrella is making a mess on the carpet. Suddenly little Susie comes around the corner shouting "Daddy, daddy, Tommy hit me!" His mind is still reeling over the project he'll have to revise tonight (it means staying up late again because his boss decided to revise it-yet again). "What was that?" he asks himself. "Damn! I forgot the bread and milk" he says to himself. Then the wife yells down again: "I left the bills on the table for you! Make sure to take of them tonight!" The job! The kids! The dog! The bills! The bread! "Everyone!" he exclaims. "Quiet down and give me a minute here!" IMS: It can hit any man at any time. But thanks to the happy little pill, Mr. Smith can find a new peace of mind and renewed, claim outlook on life. (And Pfizer if you make such a pill and run this add, I want royalties or I'm suing.)

So men get irritable when stressed or overwhelmed. Gee, who'd have guess. The problem seem to worse as they age. Wow, who'd have thought that, eh? But now, you see, what are by any real measure the everyday trails and tribulations of life, which grow in intensity with age for no other reason that the burdens of greater responsibilities usually grows with age as well (the glorious payment for increased success), this all gets lumped under the title of IMS.

IMS now is anything from the blues to a low libido. "Oh, my Gawd!" a guy now thinks, "I'm just thirty and have the symptoms of IMS. What do I do?" It's ridiculous. Every man, everyone for that matter, regardless of age, experiences the blues, feels down, gets ticked off at life. As for midlife crisis, Diamond now assigns a change in supposed hormonal levels with IMS, and ludicrously argues that this is why there is a high correlation with what he terms an "irrational" need for men to bail out of marriages and run away.

But he has not shown that relationship, nor why the such a feeling is supposedly "irrational." He has conveniently left out a host of data showing that regardless of age, marriages tend to begin unraveling at around 16 years, the time it takes for a child to mature to adulthood. The so-called "seven year itch" is actually three for a man. Once a couple is past that, the next hump is 16 years. And this number persists across a range of ages. A man married at 18, say, is more likely to want to leave a marriage at around 35. A man that married at 25 is more likely to want to move on at around 42. A man married at 30, more likely to leave at around 50. Since most men get married at 30, it is not surprising that there are then a lot of men at around 50 wishing to exit a marriage. The reason is more rooted in biology than any thing else. Unlike a woman, that man is still reproductively viable. The origins of this trend then lie more in evolutionary psychology than in shifts in hormone levels.

Moreover, lots of men, stable in temperament and outlook often end their marriages just as abruptly out of a sense of malaise and tedium. They are not violent or aggressive or quarrelsome. Their decision was one not based on an emotional fit of irrational anger. In addition, however unintended, now creating this label known as IMS, there will be men that will find an excuse for otherwise inexcusable behaviors and conduct. "Judge, see I have IMS," I can easily envision the defense being made.

IMS has a catchy ring to it, but upon closer inspection it doesn't hold up well to scientific scrutiny, since it is really not advanced through science but rather trite observations and coinage of terms, relating to loosely related events that can have a multitude of different causes and not a necessarily universal underpinning to them.
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~ Written on 2005-07-25

"After 25 years of a happy marriage, my husband became a stranger. He decided he was no longer in love with me, and wanted a life with more fun and passion. After I read Jed Diamond's book, I truly understood what my husband is and was going through. His book has given me more compassion and more hope for the future. This book is a road-map through a very distressing time of life. Whether you are the man or his wife- read this!"
~ Written on 2005-04-13

"This is a thought-provoking book; I think Mr. Diamond has done us a service by popularizing the IMS (like Dr. Joyce Brothers popularized psychology and Gershom Scholem popularized Kabbalah). It must be pointed out that IMS is not a disease; it's a set of symptoms. There's a big difference. It's a bit like homelessness in that regard. Many diseases and problems present the same symptoms (watch "House" or "ER" or "Medical Investigation" sometime on TV). Thus, A Solution may either not exist (if there are many different causes (simultaneous or not) or may be hard to find. In this case, as with homelessness, the causes are many. The solutions, therefore, will vary depending upon the causes - not the symptoms. Significantly, Mr. Diamond includes chapters addressing many factors (causes) that create the IMS. He also presents "treatments" for those individual factors (e.g. the valuable Thought Record on page 217). This is excellent. He also provides considerable references in each chapter.

However, I think that he's overlooked a few things. Firstly, while he has Alice Miller as a reference, he doesn't include her theory of non-genetic inheritance in which learned behaviors are passed down over generations through children emulating parents when they become parents themselves (see "The Drama of the Gifted Child"). This, I believe, is a very significant factor in the IMS. Secondly, he does not include any Jungian typology in explaining human differences. For example, his intriguing analysis of the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones seems to me a difference between E (extroverted behavior) vs. I (introverted). Indeed, the entire Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) may be a factor in IMS-especially considering the differences between spouses. Which leads into the questions: "what about those who do NOT develop IMS?" & "Why not?" It's hard to believe you could really understand IMS without understanding its opposite or control.
Furthermore, some of the factors seem a bit far-fetched. After taking a course on experimental design (a psychology course at George Washington University in DC), I am quite skeptical about scientific articles and research. We reviewed a great many technical, peer-reviewed journals-and found that a large proportion were invalid. Not necessarily wrong-invalid means that the conclusions were not fully justified by the study.

Finally, since Mr. Diamond includes spirituality (which I admire him for doing), he might consider the development of egolessness a la Tibetan Buddhism. It seems to me that (not withstanding the chemical factors) that ego has a lot to do with IMS. I would suspect that IMS results from a combination of factors depending upon the susceptibility of the people involved and the interrelationship of their psychological propensities. I do think that Mr. Diamond's advice regarding male initiation and male groups has a great deal of potential to depotentiate IMS."
~ Written on 2005-01-10

"I had read several other publications by Jed Diamond and found them all to very succinct and helpful. For five years my wife has been complaining that my behavior was erratic, that I would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation and she wanted her husband back. From my vantage point I could come up with all kinds of "reasons" why it was all her fault. Reading the Irritable Male Syndrome was one of the most self revealing things I have ever done. There wasn't a page where I didn't clearly see myself and behaviors that I found appalling, yet, there I was naked as could be. It is must reading for any man entering middle age or any man who has been told he is "acting strangely" don't brush off those comments. Read this book if you read nothing else. You won't totally eliminate the problem overnight, but I can assure you, you won't be able to hide. And when you acknowledge what is going on - then you can really get down to the nitty-gritty work of getting back on track. I applaude Jed not only for writing the book, but for openly sharing his own experiences. Now, I don't feel as if I am some kind of freak. In those five years, I not only lost a job, but a career! I gave up a testicle for having torqued it doing an exercise routine, my mother died, my son moved to Atlanta, and we had been married 30+ years. GET THE BOOK IT IS THE BEST INVESTMENT YOU'LL EVER MAKE. Bob Bruce, Cleveland, Ohio"
~ Written on 2004-12-16

"Around me I've watched men over 50 suddenly dissolve marriages, maltreat their spouses, trade long-cherished values for whim, fall victim to depression, or withdraw into impenetrable cocoons. And I've wondered why. It was logical to blame and disrespect them for their transgressions ... their failings of character.

That's until a sensitive psychotherapist had the consciousness and conviction to search for the origin of these problems. Why have so many loving and giving women and children had to endure so much heartache from men in their lives? Is this just selfishness or immaturity?

Finally, Jed Diamond provides answers with an empowering revelation that IMS is both manageable and treatable. This gently fulfilling book brings empathy, perspective, solutions and solace to those who suffer and those who suffer the consequences.

His articulate and sensitive voice belongs in any home where people are trying to understand and manage the inevitable and sometimes unwholesome consequences of male passages through life stages. The author speaks to a new awareness akin to the discovery of PMS and the liberation that this insight has brought to women.

Men deserve, and with this book receive, their own measure of social sensitivity to the most challenging times of life. So much pathology can be eliminated in families and relationships when enough people read this book.

Jed Diamond has given many a second chance to make their "third-age" more productive, happier, and less fraught with tribulation. His book is a breakthrough that this aging country - which tends to marginalize and disenfranchise its aging males - sorely needs.

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~ Written on 2004-11-22