What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

"Do you think your partner might have ADHD, but he or she either resists the idea or you don't know how to broach the subject? Buy this book.

Rather than telling someone, "I think you have ADHD," it's usually better to first empathize with and validate the person's experience. This book does that and more, opening the door to the reader wanting to learn more about ADHD. The title immediately appeals to anyone with ADHD who has never understood why his or her best intentions to make friends and fit in social groups haven't always worked out.

In my seven years of leading support groups for the partners of adults with ADHD, I've heard repeatedly that this book is one most likely to catch the ADHD partners' attention--and keep it. Even men with ADHD who seldom sit down to read become absorbed by this book -- because it so closely describes their experience. Finally, they feel understood and, typically, they feel great relief that they're not the only ones who somehow didn't learn "what everyone else knows". This alone goes a long way towards dissolving ego defenses around the idea of having ADHD.

Dr. Novotni knows this subject intimately, having been a national lecturer on ADHD for years and a pioneer in creating awareness about adult ADHD. Her tone throughout this book is both matter-of-fact and compassionate, never condescending. To get a sense of her approach, you can read articles at her website: http://michelenovotni.com/

A person with ADHD could spend a year in therapy talking about their feelings of social awkwardness and never gain the lessons found in this book. Highly, highly recommended."
~ Written on 2007-09-09

"I wonder how many people WITH ADD have actually sat through and read this WHOLE book... just pondering..."
~ Written on 2007-08-03

"This unique book attempts to explain how ADD symptoms affect other peoples' feelings and view of the person with ADD, and how to adjust behavior to improve relationships. There's probably some valuable information in this book for anyone whose ADD has created friction, but it's not always easy to pick out what applies. It's occasionally condescending and a bit wordy. Other than that, the intro contains some really important basics, and the rest of the book is divided into specific problem areas."
~ Written on 2007-01-10

"The title is too long, especially for anyone with AD/HD. The book is helpful but focus is difficult to maintain....which may not be the author's fault as much as the target demographic's inherent problem set. Still it is a worthwhile addition for anyone with AD/HD seeking to understand why simple social events are so often filled with anxiety and disappointment."
~ Written on 2006-11-10

"I am diagnosed Asperger's/HFA, and I found the book to be useful in some ways, although it did not address issues caused by sensory integration dysfunction, which can also be found in many people with ADHD (not to mention DSI being misdiagnosed as ADHD). From the viewpoint of many people with ADHD, the information in this book is too basic. From the viewpoint of someone further onto the autism spectrum, the information is not basic enough.

The author assumes that the person with ADHD or other diagnosis who is reading the book can see the body language, and can interpret it if s/he pays attention to it. This is not necessarily the case - I did not start to notice body language or facial expression until I was over thirty, and just because I can now see it does not mean that I can read it - I'm missing over thirty years of ingrained knowledge that most other people have been gathering since they were a couple months old, or earlier (depending up the theorist you wish to believe).

If you have a child on the autism spectrum, the books on Relationship Development Intervention by Guttstein and Sheely may be more useful. A warning, though: RDI significantly changes the personality of the person who goes through it. In a young child, this may not be noticeable or unwanted, but in an older child or adult, you may wish to ask their permission before putting them through this very thorough and intrusive therapy. As an adult, I am uncomfortable with the changes I saw produced in people who have gone through it, and would not consider it myself.

It may be a very useful resource book for the parents of children with ADHD, or a child who is on the autism spectrum who has gone through RDI and thus has some of the basic knowledge to make this book more useful."
~ Written on 2006-09-07